Showing posts with label Random Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Random Thoughts. Show all posts

Sunday, January 23

Sanctity of Human Life Sunday

Today is Sanctity of Human Life Sunday: As is the whole month of January.

I've always struggled with abortion on some level. I've never felt that it was right, but a necessary evil to protect someone else's right...the woman's. I'm still struggling with this.

"Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked" (Psalm 82:3-4).

I decided that I was OK with first trimester abortions, or those that were medically necessary. I decided that I was NOT OK with abortion as a method of birth control, or abortion after the 12th week of pregnancy, or partial birth abortions.

Then I was pregnant. I saw that heart beating away at 6 weeks, heard it at 8 weeks, knowing that was MY CHILD. Of course infertility puts a whole 'nother spin on the abortion topic...knowing that I would give my life to have someone else's unexpected, unwanted child.

I tried to pigeon-hole God in the whole thing. Then I read and saw a few things...I heard about partial birth abortions, abortions in the first trimester (or later), I heard the stories of people who SURVIVED being aborted, I heard about doctors who botched abortions and then literally murdered a child that had survived, I heard about doctors who botched abortions that killed the mother's to be, and I heard about the woman who regret having an abortion.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be" (Psalm 139:13-16).

Then I started to think about this more. How can I say that murder is a sin, but that it's ok to abort a pregnancy...full-well knowing that my daughter was alive and moving and her heart beating at 6 weeks? How can I say that it's ok to end a pregnancy when God Himself has planned that life since the beginning of all time?

People say that abortion is a woman's right to choose; but that woman already made a have sex (regardless of whatever methods of birth control were used, or not). At what point do we say that one person's rights are more important than another's?

Of course those questions move us in another direction, and this is where I struggle: What about rape victims or victims of incest? Sex was not a choice for them...they had no say in the entire matter in regards to potentially creating a life. In the case of rape victims there are preventative measures that can be taken, after the fact.

Or what about children who, because of whatever social expectations that our youth are now faced with younger and younger, have sex? At what age do we hold them accountable for their actions? Is it more important to spare them pains of going through pregnancy? Or give them the sufferings of realizing that a life was snuffed out because of their choice?

Time and time again I hear about how abortion is a woman's choice, but I also hear about how the women who made that choice regret it. The guilt they feel over ending another's life.

This post isn't about being pro-life or pro-choice or anything else: It's about my struggling to reconcile the world to God.

"Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God? Therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God." James 4:4

Growing up I remember our pastor speaking about abortion and God's plans. He told us a story about a woman who probably should've had an abortion. I'm sure you've heard the story: "There was a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion? "If you said 'yes,' you've just killed Beethoven."

While information in this story is incorrect (Beethoven was the 2nd born), the point remains the same: What wonderful lives are we ending through abortion? Conversely what lives would we be sparing (for example if Hitler's mother had aborted him) if permitted. Who are we to decide who should live and who should die? I know I don't want that leave it to someone (God) who knows all.

So, I'm not trying to spark debate as to the rightness or wrongness of abortion (regardless as to the circumstances, stage of pregnancy or anything else). What I want, is nothing more than to make you think: Why do you feel the way you do about abortion? For myself, every day, I am growing more and more pro-life. I ask the Lord to show me how to reconcile the things I mentioned (rape etc) with the wrongness of abortion.

"Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture" (Psalm 100:3).

Tuesday, January 18

2010's To Do List - Accomplishments

I'm just getting around to this.....please cut me some slack :-)

This is the last of things I had hoped to get done last year in this post. Let's see what I actually got done.

*Renovate our bathroom - We're almost there....the big stuff is done. We still have to refinish the tub, install the wood surround for it (which may or may not happen anytime soon), and build a towel shelf, as well as hang up some art.

*Fence in the backyard - yea, we're trying again. Hopefully the 6th year is the charm :-\

*Start and finish no less than 4 LARGE quilts: I got 2 quilts done in 2010: My mom's birthday quilt and one baby quilt. My mom told me to cut myself some slack since I had a baby, who wasn't exactly conducive to quilting.

*Learn how to do counted cross stitch and/or embroidery
- Nope. I did start working on a small Mary Engelbreit ornament, but it got about 30 x's on it and that's all.

*End 2010 with the prospects of another little one in our impending future
- Not so good on this one.

*Quit my Job
- yep.

*Revamp our garden and make it smaller....a lot smaller -
Kind of happened...if only by default of our not doing much of anything out there.

- I almost met all of those least for the re-reads

*The continual self-improvement to dos of: Letting God and letting go, being a kinder person, dealing with my brother better, etc. -

*Maintain our strict budget and try to somehow save some money. -

I didn't do perfectly, but we did get some of the things done. On to 2011!

Monday, January 17

"When it snows, you have two choices: shovel or make snowangels".

It's been snowing around here....hasn't stopped for too long either. It seems like every few days another storm goes through that drops another couple of don't hear me complaining though :-)

This past weekend my uncle and his family came up from NJ to celebrate Christmas. Everyone seemed to have come down with something over Christmas and New Years so the festivities were postponed. We had a blast with my cousins, M & S!
Saturday night we did Christmas, then on Sunday everyone came over here to go SLEDDING! Oh what fun we had! It was Ave's first time out. I've taken her out a few times just to flounder around in the snow, but this time she got to really play. And I must say.....I know this kid is an adrenaline it was no surprise that she absolutely LOVED sledding. She even took a couple of runs by herself! Even Daddy, Oma and Opa, and Aunt Kate took a couple of runs down the hill with A!

After sledding we headed back to our house and my brother and his wife got here just in time for dinner. It was great getting to see everyone and spend time with our family that we don't get to see too often.

(If you click the bold links above, it will take you to all of the pictures from "Christmas" and our sledding trip).

Tuesday, January 11

"And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Rom 8:28

*I'm still not sure how I am feeling about this cycle. I guess my overall feeling is that it didn't work...I don't feel pregnant. Plus the on and off light spotting makes me think that it's just AF trying to come...even though she would be way early, she's not even due until the 16th. I'm trying to maintain faith and that this did work, but I think I'm failing miserably.

I am feeling really strongly about adoption though. It's been on my mind since our last failed cycle and it's been growing stronger ever since. Matt, of course, doesn't want to discuss anything until after my BETA.

*Another thought as to our future. We kept toying with the idea of taking Matt's parents up on their's probably not going to happen and we're not making any commitments to buy it right now. We'll see what things are like in a few years.

I think what we have decided on is staying in our house indefinitely. I was talking to my parents the other day about expenses and our needing to repair the foundation, but not wanting to do that until we decide if we're going to make the house bigger. They told me what they pay in home owner's insurance and taxes, a month, and I almost had a heart-attack! They own half the amount of property that Matt's parents have. Put it this way....just their home owner's insurance is what our current mortgage is a month.

We hadn't even given those costs a thought when toying with the "buying the ILs'" idea: I can say with 96% certainty we will not be buying their house. Here's what we are thinking of...staying in our house, applying for a home improvement grant (covers structural and weatherization and other things) through the county, if we get it then we would put that money toward repairing the foundation, updating the heating system, and making the back of the house larger.

The other thing in our favor is in September our grant that we originally received to buy our house comes up...and I don't think we'll owe any of it back. If that's the case, we could get a great deal with a home equity loan on our house to help with the repair costs.

This is all just still in the fantasy stage, but you gotta start somewhere.

*My parents' church burned down. They started going there when I was 16 and (after a bunch of issues) started going somewhere else a few months ago. I heard the fire alarm go off at 3:30am and then my mom called me this morning.

From what information we've gathered some one broke in, opened up all of the gas lines (in the heating and stoves I assume) and lit a match. The whole church and the rectory are's so sad. Fortunately no one was hurt, as the pastor's family didn't live in the rectory (they live a few houses down).

If it had to happen to some church, it couldn't have happened to a better one: They're big, they have an active and powerful church family, and they've been planning on expanding. If any church can recover from this, they can. I know our church couldn't....if such a thing happened to us, that would be the end of us.

*I think that's everything. In just 60 hours I'll be finding out the BETA results.

Monday, January 3

Spend the first day of the new year doing what you hope to do all year....

There's a quote somewhere, to that effect, but I can't find it. I've spent more than enough time googling for it, so I'm giving up.

Our new year's day was very low key: Matt brewed a batch of beer and in between A's naps I worked on the Christmas quilt that I had every intention of having finished for this past Christmas (I hadn't even started it yet).

In the late afternoon we went up to my IL's for dinner. It was a great day! Just relaxing, spending time with A, and putzing around with our hobbies.

Sunday, January 2

It's a new year: 2011

Don't you just love that creative title? Everyone has been having all of these wonderful Year in Review (2010) and Resolution (2011) posts. I've barely even given any thought to either...been a bit consumed the past two weeks with my trips to Alban.y and Christmas.

2010: I have no has truly been one of the awesomest years of my life. It had its trials (mostly financial...what with my not bringing home a paycheck), but God is good and continues to be good. There's only one word to define the awesome-ness of 2010....Avelyn. It's all because of her. She has been as much of a blessing as we expected a child to be, and even more than we could have ever imagined.

2011: I'm not making up too many plans or resolutions for this year until after my beta on the 14th....that will decided a lot of things for us. If it's negative we may think about starting the adoption stuff again....I'm just feeling really strongly about that lately. If it's positive then obviously that will be enough to plan for.

I wish you all much happiness in the new year, and much success in your resolutions!

Thursday, December 23

No, I'm not a klutz

I would never decide to spray paint all of our heat grates, warn Matt about the holes, then forget I removed them and step in the hole...falling in up to my thigh and detaching the duct work underneath.
(this picture was taken 2 days after it's about the size of my entire hand)

Wednesday, December 22

Covert Christmas

Have you noticed that people are afraid to say "Christmas"? I have. They do their holiday shopping, wish people a "Happy Holiday", ask if you're ready for the holidays, send out holiday cards, and listen to holiday music.

Yesterday at the doctors' the nurses would ask if I was ready for the weekend (which I understand they're being respectful). I have to go back up on Christmas Eve and the nurse was explaining (in a rather apologetic voice) that Christmas is one of their holidays, so I get the luck of the draw for an appointment...completely OK. I told her I would see her then and she said she was be off...that she'd rather work New Years (still never saying a thing about Christmas).

I'm an instigator: At that point I said, "Yea, I'd rather have Christmas Eve off instead of New Year's so I can go to church". With that, it was like a weight lifted from her...."me too" she said in a lowered voice, "We go to Midnight Mass and don't get home until 2am". We wished each other a Merry Christmas and went on our way.

I instigate at stores too...I always tell people "Merry Christmas". I said it to one lady at the grocery store and she looked at me with shock, gave me a big smile, and said "You have a Merry Christmas too".

There was a quote I heard yesterday on Family Life Network, and I wish I could remember the exact wording, it was something like this: "I will respect your religion, but not to the disrespect of my own". The general jist of it was that we're so worried about offending people with our our views that we very often deny our own religion to be politically correct.

I'm a Christian. I'm not going to stop being a Christian because it offends someone. So much of our society has become utterly ridiculous with the neutralization of religion and the removing of Christianity from society. Our Declaration of Independence says "Freedom OF Religion", not "Freedom FROM Religion". We are a nation founded in Christianity: Like it or not. Out of the 308 million people in this country, 228 million identify themselves as Christians.

What's interesting to me is how we, as Christians, are to accept all religions, but never to mention our own. There has been a war against Christianity going on in this country...what's interesting is that no other religious group is as readily persecuted for speaking their beliefs as Christians are.

The stores display menorahs and dreidels as part of the Holiday decorations, but you never see a Cross or a manger. It confuses me that it's OK to display the religious symbols of Judaism but not Christianity (let me just say that I am in no way condemning, picking on, or calling out Jews or Judaism).

I recently read a little book, two of them actually: The Case for Christmas by Lee Strobel and The Judge who Stole Christmas by Randy Singer. They were both very interesting.

The Case for Christmas was basically a factual investigation of Christmas and the birth of Jesus, as well as the origins of Christmas, and how it was the Roman Church in 300 or 400 AD who decided that Christmas would be celebrated on December 25, as was common to turn a pagan day into a Christian day. There was a whole lot more in that little book that was really just fascinating.

The Judge who Stole Christmas was a fictional book about a man who flat out refuses to stop being a part of a Creche in the town square (a public forum). There was a lot of court cases mentioned in the book (which I haven't had time to sit down and investigate) about the display of Christian symbols. There was also a lot of information about Christmas, and how throughout time it has been treated: The Puritans had actually banned it for many years because of the debauchery that was desecrating what should have been a holy time.

I've gone off on a whole bunch of other things here. ANYWAYS, I just am finding it really interesting that people are afraid to celebrate Christmas, or in any way shape of form refer to Christmas. Christians (and the majority of the people in this country) celebrate Christmas (albeit with some difference of meaning to each group)....we've become the silent majority. Some how Christmas has just been entirely removed and there is just Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and Holiday. Food for thought.

Sunday, December 12


What a weekend! It's been one whirlwind after another!

Friday night we went to a local college's culinary program's Holiday Panarda, which was a 9 course Italian meal. It was really good, but stupid me forgot to take a camera, then borrowed my MIL's and forgot to take pictures of the food!

We had 12 people there: Matt and I, my parents, my grandfather, my aunt and uncle, Matt's parents, grandparents and his sister. It was a birthday celebration for Matt (12/8) and my grandfather (12/6 - 91 years old).

It was a lot of fun! My grandfather has never experience true culinary dining and was blown away by the food, the presentation, and the portions: He had a blast! SIL and I sat next to each other and we just had our own commentary going (she went to JWU for culinary and worked in the industry at some pretty swanky places before her seafood she knows her stuff).

I guess she's been seeing some guy and has gone out on a few dates with him. It sounds like he's a decent guy so hopefully this is something good: SIL is really such a sweet, loving person and she deserves to be happy....especially after the losers she's been with.

Our friends, R & R, watched A on Friday night and she was a complete gem for them. They loved spending time with her. Since they've moved out of town they don't get to see her too much. Plus, R (the wife) has major, major baby fever, but knows that she has to finish school and work for a couple of years still, so she really enjoyed her baby fix.

On Saturday Matt worked on splitting wood, while I did stuff in the house. In the afternoon we went over to the store, because Santa was visiting. But, "Santa" (my dad) slipped walking out of the fridge and smashed his head into the door and gave himself a concussion....he's ok now. We had to find a different Santa at the last minute: Matt was not really into doing that, but I talked one of our employees into it (he's never done it before) and he did a great job. Otherwise it would've been me in a Santa costume....which I would have loved to do. I think we'll have to have Santa revisit on Christmas Eve.
In the evening we went out to one of our dinner-dances and took R & R as our guests to thank for watching A (SIL came down and stayed with A). It was fun: The food was delicious (as always) but the band was horrible....they had no idea what ballroom dance music was and kept playing things that you would here at a low budget wedding. We left around 10 or so and came home. Best part: Ave slept through the night! I think that she thought that her Auntie Meggers was here (she never wakes up at night for SIL or MIL).

Today was supposed to be caroling, but a mix of the weather and other last minute things going on ended up with no one being able to come. Matt and SIL spent about 4 hours splitting and stacking wood, while I finished decorating the house and the cooking that I had started for our caroling party. My parents and MIL came down and had dinner, then we watched Christmas Eve with the MacDonald's (Dr. James MacDonald from Family Life Networks "Walk in the Word").

After our parents left we gave A her bath and up she went, and down I went to remake my fudge. I did it yesterday and it came out like a rock....I crumbled it all up and am going to bake some cookies with it as the chocolate chunks.

Tomorrow is Monday: It was a great weekend, but I'm looking forward to a little down time :-)

Monday, November 29

Ketchup or Catsup?

Which do you prefer?

Anyways, this post is going to be all about catch-up: I'm desperately behind in....EVERYTHING. I've been trying get caught up on my ICLW commenting from last week (even though it is now over). I just would like to start December (and Christmas!) with a clean slate.

~*~Thanksgiving, November 25th~*~
While it was also our anniversary, it was more importantly Thanksgiving. My sister did come over to my parents house and it was actually really nice to spend the time with her...she was different....we all noticed it.

My brother and his wife came up and he was his usual toady self. He's not happy in his life and I don't think it's any thing circumstantial (work, marriage etc)....I think he's just not a happy person. What's interesting is he's just as lost as my sister, but is more willing to throw her to the lions than acknowledge anything with himself.

My parents got us a Bi.ssell spot-bot pet for our anniversary (very romantic I know, but I wanted one) and my sister baked a delicious cake for our dessert.

Here are some of the pictures my uncle took from the day.

After we were done at my parents' house we headed to the in-laws for round two: That's right, every Thanksgiving we eat twice. We've done it for 11 years now....and it's not anymore fun.

~*~Friday, November 26~*~
In the morning Matt went out hunting and then when he got home he put up the Christmas lights along the roof. He insisted on using the lights that had been up for the past 4 years, and of course we turned them on last night and one of the strings doesn't light (they all lit before they went up). He's gotta fix that.

In the afternoon I went over to the store (we were closed) and my MIL and SIL helped do up some gift baskets, while I decorated the front and inside of the store. I'll have to post some pictures of that.

~*~Saturday, November 27th ~*~
Matt and I dropped A off at his parents house around noon and then headed to Bing-town for an anniversary date, which consisted of some birthday/Christmas shopping, dinner, and Harry Potter. A was miserable the entire time: All day she took a 30 minute nap and then fought going to bed (she spent the night there). I felt so bad and wanted to pick her up, but by the time we got back in town she had fallen asleep and fortunately slept well through the night.

Harry Potter was great! I seriously don't want to wait for the next movie to come out...and I know I'll be crying at the end of it. 1) The story itself and 2) that they're over. The first movie came out the year after Matt and I started dating.

We had a good time...we also decided that we got married at the right time, because we'll always have an excuse to go Christmas shopping without the kids :-)

~*~Sunday, November 28th~*~
We went and got our Christmas tree! We went to the same place we always go, but, again, there was no snow. I do not like cutting a tree down when there is no least it wasn't in the 60s, we've had that before too.

Ave even picked out our tree this year. Matt and I were wondering around and had picked a couple of good ones, when Ave started pointing at a tree and making monkey noises....Matt goes "well I think she wants this one". So down it went. It's now on our porch....we'll bring it in and put it up on Wednesday night after A goes to sleep.

Think A was excited about the tree? :-)

I think that brings us up to speed.

Thursday, November 25

Sometimes in the midst of an ordinary life, love gives us a fairy tale.

Five years ago today my best friend and I were married. These past five years have been filled with more pain, more disappointment, more loss, and more JOY than I could have ever believed possible. If someone told me everything we would go through, Matt's back and his being out of work and subsequent depression from all of it, infertility, and finally having our little girl. I would have laughed at them.

Don't get me wrong we got through all of it and are stronger for it....but going through those storms, I sometimes felt like it was the end of the world, our world. Never once though did it even cross our mind to give up, whether it was Matt's back or fighting infertility, we clung to each other and fought our way through: We're stubborn like that.

It's appropriate that today, besides being our anniversary, is also Thanksgiving because there is not much in this world (besides A) that I am as thankful for as my husband (and I have so much to be thankful for in my blessed life). He is a wonderful partner, lover, and friend....I don't know of anyone who works as hard for his family as he does. I wouldn't want to go through this life without him. I love you Chewy!

Wednesday, September 15

In other news...

The axe is happening on Friday at hair is GOING GOING and will be GONE! I think I figured out how I want to get it cut....similar to the picture from before but here it is (but no bangs)...And Mark Wahlberg just because...does anyone else think that sometimes he is very attractive and other times not so much? I didn't think he was so wonderful looking in Date Night, but in other movies he is.

Today my mom and I went shopping (which is always an event, because we have to drive 2 hours to get anywhere). We went to the Woodbur.y Common Outlets. We had bought stuff at for A while in Hershey, but when I got it home I really need a smaller size, so we went back to exchange them.

Our order from came today. Matt's sweater is's so soft and comfy...I think I need to order myself one in a smaller size. My dress however....absolute crap! It looks terrible. It's a wrap dress, but there's no shape to it, it gaps and tugs and just looks terrible.

So I'm back to square one....why is that I can always find great clothes for everyone else, but not for me?! I've gotta figure something else....I'm thinking of wearing the orange sweater I already have and perhaps a khaki corduroy skirt. Any ideas?

Monday, July 19

Yesterday, All my troubles seemed so far away, Now it looks as though they're here to stay....

Yesterday was one of those days that you were sad to see it over. Yesterday was our last Sunday before the craziness that is "fair season" begins.

Saturday evening we headed to Binghamt.on with my parents to go to kohl.s (mom had a 30% off coupon and stuff was on sale) and out to dinner at Texa.s Roadh.ouse. We made out like BANDITS at kohl.s! We're planning on going away somewhere warm in January for a weeks vacation (this is creating it's own dilemmas) and A needed another bathing suit as well as summer clothes in 18 months for when we go and Matt needed shorts and sneakers. I ended up getting shorts and tops for A for around $3 each...crazy!

This coming weekend we're heading to NH to celebrate Niece's first birthday. We're leaving first thing on Saturday morning (as if A is awake at 4am, we're getting in the car)...and coming home on Sunday (my parents seem to think this is a weekend away). Next weekend, my mom, sister and I are driving to CT to visit my godmother and we're spending the night. The guys were supposed to be coming down that night after closing the store, but now it doesn't look like they are. I really, really don't like spending the night away from Matt.

Anyways, back to yesterday. Yesterday we had nothing planned. A didn't have the greatest night, so at 7am I kicked Matt and he got up with her until she was ready to go back down, at 9. At that point I woke up and went out and mowed the front yard while the two of them slept until 11.

We got up at 11, had breakfast (A had her first taste of buckwheat pancakes...loved it!), then Matt mowed the lawn, while I played with A. After her next nap we went for a walk across town to the store to get some things we needed. A fell asleep in the stroller on the way home, so Matt and I just sat on the front porch and talked about the next few weeks and years.

We talked about the fair business and how we both felt about the meeting we had last week to sign the contract. We talked about how stressful it's going to be. We talked about finances. We talked about my dad wanting us to buy the route and run that...not sure how that will work as we are partners in owning the store. We talked about the future and what we want.

When A woke up we went in the house and got the dogs then headed down to the field and the community garden behind our house and meandered down there looking at everyone's veggies and commenting on how great their tomatoes look and how pathetic our's are.

By then it was time for dinner (a throw together of sausage, salad, and pasta). A got her bath and went peaceably to bed, and we sat down to watch a couple episodes of Monarch of the Glen on netflix.

It really was one of those days that ended up being perfect, and it didn't even take any planning or prepping.

Thursday, June 10

Decisions, decisions, decisions (part 2)

Color has a lot to do with how we present ourselves to the world and how people perceive us: If we're always in black people think one thing, if we're in psychedelic rainbow prints they think another. That's why, to me, color choices are so important: The colors I choose reflect my personality.

Color Selection #1
Our House

We decided on paint colors! We kept hemmin' and hawwin' about it, but then I saw this picture in
Country Sampler magazine. I have always loved this color scheme, heck it's how our upstairs hallway is painted (which will now be getting repainted). So, we're doing it! Because of the wackiness of our house, we're only painting the top of the window trim on the front of the house black and the front door.

I am so excited to have this house painted! The painters are coming the 21st to start scrapping the house down. I keep forgetting to ask them approximately how long it takes them to paint a house.

The colors we are using are Sherwin Williams Daffodil, Dover Cream (the trim), and Tricorn Black for the windows. There are a whole bunch of little projects that they've also agreed to do (one of the painters is a contractor)...such as replace the molding around the front door (Matt hasn't gotten around to this one in the past 4 years) and put a ceiling up on the front porch.

Of course I will be inundating all of you with lots of pictures!

Color Selection #2
My Hair

I've been waffling back and forth about my hair, cut it or not, highlight it or not. I've decided to trim it (it needs that at the very least) and highlight it. Of course I'm very adventurous when it comes to the color of my hair, so I'll be having highlights that match my natural highlights added (they've kind of become blah! from the winter and need some spicing up).

What I'm trying to do now is reconcile myself to paying $50 (+ tip and eyebrow waxing) to do it. I'm also trying to think up some ways to make $50 in the next 2 weeks. Any ideas?

ETA: My mom is going to give me the money for my haircut, since I renovated their bathroom. One good deed turns another :-)

Saturday, June 5

“The trouble with life in the fast lane is that you get to the other end in an awful hurry” John Jensen

This past week has FLOWN by! It seems like every single day we ran. Monday Avelyn and I were home (no holiday for this family), Tuesday A went to Grandma's while I went to O-town and ran a slew of errands, Wednesday we were a little more low key, Thursday we drove to NJ to go to my cousins' spring concert, and Friday we drove to Cooperstown to see Aunt Lea (A's godmother, pronounced Leah) and her sister and visit the Fenimore Art Museum, but it was a fun week!

The only pictures I have to show are of A's blow out diaper on the way to NJ. She had been relatively constipated for the past 4 or 5 days and nothing was working it out. She was actually really hard to put to bed on Monday and Tuesday because her tummy hurt (we did warm compresses and that seemed to help). Of course I figured she'd probably blow out on the way to NJ, but did I prepare for that? Nope.

All over the car seat, all over A. We cleaned her up as best we could (her shirt was clean still) and then took her into K.ohl's, bought her new pants and finished washing her up in the sink. Then I cleaned the car seat as much as I could, went to Target and bought some receiving blankets to line it with. It was FUN! Rebekah, I thought of you. She felt better though :-)
get home.
Yesterday we went to Cooperstown. I wanted to go to the John Sargent exhibit and the Empire Waists, Bustles and Lace exhibit. L, Ave's godmother, lives in Cooperstown (but they're moving to Maine the end of the summer...BOOO!!!) so she and her sister met us at the museum. We had fun. A was a bit strung out. She kept fussing and one of the guards asked me if we needed a private room (to nurse) I said "No, she's just tired". He then said, well she can make all the noise she likes, this is a museum, not a church...I thought that was sweet.

More Pictures
After going through these pictures (I've edited which you see, because I certainly wasn't posting any more of myself) I realized just how terrible I look and that I really need to lose at least 30 lbs, we'll see if that happens :-\

Friday, November 6

Tales from the L&D room...

So there were some "funny" things I forgot to mention about my L&D. Here they are:

*In the middle of getting ready to push they brought in a mirror so I could see...the first thing I noticed and commented on was the bruise on the back of my leg (I had walked into the coffee table).

*I didn't swear the entire time I was in labor...I said "hell" in "I want to push like HELL!" (Meaning: get that gosh darn doctor in here now! They still hadn't arrived and I was basically told I couldn't push until they arrived).

*During my last two contractions I was quoting bible verses to get through the of my favorite verses Phil 4:13 "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me!"

* At one point I was begging God to get her out of me...that was just before the bible quoting.

*The most painful part of my delivery was the doctor running her finger along the edge of my hoohaa to help stretch me so that she could be born.

*If the placenta had come out how it should have (through regular contractions) I never would have experienced the MOST painful part...the doctor physically peeling it from my insides, but I did avoid ending up in the OR (which was where I was going if they couldn't get it out).

*Placentas are pretty cool looking things: The dr showed us what mine looked like and explained all the pieces we were was pretty awesome (and looked a lot like a 3lb london broil).

*Everyone was in the room with us the entire time (MIL, SIL, my parents and my sister)...the only time they left the room was for the 30 minutes of pushing...then they were back in. I honestly can say I didn't even pay attention to them. I was just focused on breathing.

*I have a hard time remembering too much from L&D, I was so focused internally on the contractions and breathing through them...that I honestly felt like I was in a dream world and half-asleep the whole time.

*Matt has dubbed me "The Baby Making Queen": He has informed that since he isn't "built" for making babies, it's ironic that I am so "perfectly" built for carrying and birthing them with such "ease" and we should have lots of babies. Of course, I'm a bit nervous....I think I got off pretty easy this time and don't want to tempt fate the next time around.

*I'm still kind of in awe that I manage to have gotten through labor with no meds (not even a tylenol!) and that the most intense part of my labor (REAL labor) only lasted a couple of hours...I am so, SO grateful for that. I never even had time to really think about the whole thing.

*After delivery and them sewing me up I just kept looking from A to Matt and saying: We have a baby....We have a baby...4 years ago we decided to have a baby...and we have a baby (while sobbing).
I think that's all the random thoughts that have been floating through my brain the past few days :-)

Thursday, September 24

The Last 24th

One month from today is my due date: Holy COW! As of Saturday I'll be 36 weeks and there's only 28 days left! I'm kind of starting to freak out a bit, in a bunch of different ways.

1) There's still all these little things that need to be done: Finish the room, install the car seat, get the car seat inspected, make sure we have all the things we're going to need, contact list of people to call, hospital bags, music/cameras etc for the delivery room, schedule care for our dogs, who's going to be in the room with us, when will people come in, finish reading our delivery books, start reading about the vaccines and decide on those, clean the house, order the pack n play, get the cosleeper set up, we still need sheets for both, and about a 1000 things more I honestly can't think of or about because they start giving me an anxiety attack.

2) Am I going to be able to do this? Push a baby out of my crotch without drugs? What if I can't? What if something goes wrong? What if I need drugs? Will I feel like a loser since I went that path? I have moments when I feel entirely pumped and that I WILL be able to do will be hard, but I'm strong and able to do this, then I have moments when I think "Can't someone just hand me a baby so I don't have to do this?! Because what if I can't?"

3) Am I going to be able to breast feed? Should we rent a pump from the hospital? Should we have a can of formula on hand in case we need to supplement? Should I order the LactAid at breast supplementer? Do I have enough bottles here if we need to do formula?

4) Is everything ok with her? I feel like I'm back in the beginning of this pregnancy: Checking her heart rate, pushing to get her to kick so I know she's ok. What if she's too small? I haven't gained much weight? What if there's something wrong with her health wise and it's because I haven't gained much weight?

5) I thought I had 9 months to decide about we probably have about 9 weeks to decide. We still have to find health insurance: How are we going to pay for it (we do have about 3 months of insurance premiums saved up)? How do I tell work I'm not coming back? When do I tell work I'm not coming back (especially since we really don't know for sure yet)?

6) We're going to be solely responsible for this little person! Who are we to be having a kid? What do we know about this? Uhhh...I have some experience, but not enough to shake a stick at. What if we entirely screw this up?

7) Is this real? Or is this some sick joke. Am I really not pregnant (in spite of my growing belly, the heart rate, the ultrasounds, the doctor appts, feeling her kick and move etc etc)? What if I'm not an people have been playing us: How am I going to explain THAT to people?

8) Is there something wrong with me? I haven't gained much weight (I've actually lost 3lbs in the past 2 weeks); I haven't had an Braxton Hicks. Is my body doing what it should to prepare for delivery? What if delivery is just some arbitrary thing and it isn't going to happen at all? What if I have to be induced/c-section? Will I even know when/what contractions are?

9) Am I the only one who isn't anxious for her to be born? I'm seriously dreading sharing her with the rest of the world (except Matt). I don't want anyone else seeing her or holding her, she's OUR'S DAMMIT! I'm having major separation anxiety about her not being in my body where I can protect her and keep her safe.

10) What if I have major depression issues (a possibility for me) after she's born, because: I didn't get the delivery I want, I can't breastfeed, she's a difficult baby, or any of a thousand other issues.

Then I tell my mind to SHUT UP! To stop putting all these doubts, worries, and fears in my head. And I know that whatever will be, will be, and it will all be all right and there's nothing I can change about anything that's not in my hands or Matt's or the doctor's. It's entirely in God's hands...he's led us this far. Through 3 years of infertility, being told Matt and I will never have a child together, Matt's back problems, BIL and PP having a whoops pregnancy before we ever got pregnant.

We got through it all and we will get through everything ahead: Will it be easy? Not always, but we'll do it together...with God.

Friday, July 17

Double Ds

Double Digits: 99 Days before my due date!

Tomorrow my mom and I are going to Rochester for my 2nd cousin's bridal shower...We see them maybe once a year. And, for some reason I feel like I'm being tossed to the lions.

In spite of 3 years of trying and being 26 weeks (tomorrow) I still feel like the unfortunate teenager who got knocked up, isn't married, and has everyone whispering behind their back (never mind that I'm 27 on Tuesday, have been married almost 4 years, work, own my own house, and have been with Matt for almost 10 years!). On top of that I have a really hard time with people congratulating me or trying to talk to me about my being pregnant: That may be entirely weird, I don't know.

I had someone that I talk to on the phone for work call today and she congratulated me on being pregnant, my first reaction was to mumble a thanks and change the topic fast. I hate that I'm THAT uncomfortable with people congratulating me and with people talking about my being pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I am over the moon to be having a baby, but I'm still not believing this and still thinking that it's not real.

3 years ago, if I was pregnant with a little girl, I'd be blowing up the credit cards and emptying our bank account buying things. I haven't bought 1 thing. I think I'm afraid that it will make it too real, and then something will happen, or that buying things in the store without a baby at my side is me "posing" as having one.

The further and further I get along in this pregnancy the less real it is seeming. I keep looking at belly pictures of other women, the same week as me, and my belly looks so tiny compared to them (other people comment to me on how tiny I am). Yea, sometimes by night I have a definite belly, but for the rest of the day I could seriously hide it, I even find myself sucking in my stomach: I'm 26 weeks and I just feel like this should be more real, that I should be showing more; and that if I let myself believe this IS real, something is going to better to keep hiding it. I'm having some issues.

I wish I could just enjoy this, being pregnant, without all these other emotions that have me in a thousand different mind-sets.

Tuesday, July 7

Random Updates

This post is going to be a whole lot of everything. There's fun stuff, I promise...toward the bottom....

Last night I had a pampered chef party: My BFF from high school  now does it. I saw her in March for her Lia.Sophia party and asked her if she would want to do a show. Last night it was...It was basically my mom 2 of her friends, and 2 of my other friends from high school: It was actually quite a bit of fun!

AND, my HS BFF is 14 weeks pregnant! The first month trying. When she called me to finalize details last week she was going on about how she didn't expect it to happen so quickly and they were hoping to be due the earliest in April 2010 (she's due January8): I just told her to be glad that it happened that easily, that it took us 3 years.

I'm happy for them, but I'm just kind of numb. She's the first person that I went to high school with (we were friends from 4 years old on) that's pregnant. I think she's genuinely excited though that we're both pregnant at the same time (none of her other friends are pregnant). I know when we were kids we planned on being each other's maid of honors, etc I guess this is the round about way to being friends again.


In yesterday's mail I got the most recent JCPenney bedding sale catalog....and the cover REALLY caught my eye: How about those colors?!

I've been wanting to do a "English Garden" nursery if it's a girl, but I keep looking for the fabric I have in mind and I CANNOT find it anywhere. I thought this was a really cute look and not too pink (which I want to avoid too much pink). So I started looking around...headed for one of my favorite quilt fabric websites and there on the top of their website is the listing of their new fabrics. Amongst them is this collection. I start scrolling through and what do I find but this, this and this: PERFECT!

The pattern (particularly of the green is almost exactly that of the fabric in the JCP bedding) I think I found my fabric!

Tuesday, February 10

"Every child comes with the message that God is not yet discouraged of man." ~Rabindranath Tagore

There's currently a law/policy, from the UN, that is going through our government systems: It's called the Convention on the Rights of Children.

While it does do some very good things, there are some really big concerns and issues that are associated with this. Children need protection, however, this document states that children are outside of the jurisdiction of their parents, and that parents have no rights over their children, that any decision about the welfare of your child(ren) rests in the hands of the UN and International Law.

You intend on raising your child a Christian, Jew, Muslim, or atheist, as well as whatever cultural traditions or beliefs: If your child (regardless of their age) tells you they don't want to....they don't have to. They can get a lawyer and sue their parents. (That's a very simplistic breakdown of the policy). Every decision you make in regards to your child(ren) can be called into question in a court of law, if your child disagrees with it.

I'm not an expert on this convention. There is a website called ParentalRights, which has a lot of information about this and what it's implications are for us, as Americans. One of the big things, outside of the actual policy, is that this international law would trump US law, were we to ratify it.

While there are other treaties/policies which have already been ratified by the US government throughout the course of history, I believe (I'm not sure) that this is the first that would place the US legal system under control of the UN. Through that we lose our sovereignty and are then beholden to an international government (which is a very dangerous thing...basically boils down to the beginnings of a world dictatorship).

I, for one, already think that our government has too much control over our daily lives, ratifying a document such as this would not only give our government more control, but International Law as well. The idea that the government could tell me how I should raise my child and what is "right" by my child is very scary to me.

I still haven't managed to get the molding up in the nursery. I'm hoping tonight or tomorrow: We'll see. I probably could do it by myself, but I would rather Matt was there to help. I did find someone to send my quilt out to. One lady wanted $43+tax, the other wanted $26+tax: No brainer. The cheaper lady was the one who did Matt's quilt so I know I'll be happy with how it came out.

The adoption stuff is still in the forefront of my mind. Once we know the verdict of this cycle, we'll make our move. I'm thinking of different ways to raise money to help cover the costs. Everything from cookbooks to Pampered Chef parties (if they do that) to dinners at our church.

We've already decided that once we're well into the adoption process (at least homestudy) that we're going to decrease our tax withholdings for federal, to the minimum. We've looked into the $10,000 tax credit, and increasing our cash and owing taxes (the credit would negate any taxes we would owe), looks like the best way to take advantage of that. Of course we will talk to our tax-lady prior to doing that.

My sister is staying with us next week. My parents are going to visit my aunt and uncle for a few days, but Kate has her college classes and drama club, so she can't go. I guess I need to tidy up the spareroom this week. It's always so lonely after she's left though. We go from being "parents" and having "kids" to just us again.

6 days till beta.