You are not alone…

This week marks National Infertility Awareness Week, and this years theme is ‘You Are Not Alone’; which is one of the hardest things to remember when you’re dealing with infertility. When it seems like the world is filled with carefree bumps, there are tears and fears that you will never be one of them.

Seven years ago.....

You can find the rest of this post on my new blog...JessicaMWhite.com

Who is the Creator of Life?

I was reading a blog post the other day, which dealt with the idea of a designer God, designer babies, selective abortion, and several other trains of thought that devolved further into whether or not reproductive medicine has a place in the Christian world. Every paragraph I read, every comment, went further away from what the original article was about {how we’ve created for ourselves a “Designer God”…which I agree with} and more about the “proper” Christian stance on reproductive medicine.

The more I read, the hotter my face grew. Every comment became a new fuse lit in my bundle of dynamite, as people who have no idea about infertility, no idea about adoption, continued to express their opinions on those who pursue infertility treatment. Right down to the writer commenting that infertility treatment was abortion in reverse {still trying to wrap my head around that one}.

I know this common opinion has been expressed throughout the internets, that by seeking reproductive help people are playing God. That they are circumventing God’s will, by seeking treatment. Newsflash: THERE IS NOTHING IN THIS WORLD THAT CAN GO AROUND GOD’S WILL. NOTHING. End of story.

My husband and I went through quite a bit trying to have kids…constantly worrying that we were somehow playing God. We prayed. We talked. We sought counsel from pastors. We asked that God take away our desire to have children. We looked at our alternatives. We came to one conclusion: There was nothing we could do that would force God’s hand. If having children through pregnancy was not in the cards for us, there was no treatment that we could do that would make it happen. ONLY GOD CAN CREATE LIFE!

People always figure, “why don’t they just adopt?!” People would…if it were that easy, but it isn’t. We had looked into adoption, but what most people don’t realize is that adoption costs money….a lot of money. It takes time….a lot of time. And the big thing…it isn’t guaranteed. There are so many children out there in need of a good home, and so many couples who desperately want to give them the home and love that they deserve, but you know what…the system is flawed and it doesn’t always happen.

To call infertility treatment “abortion in reverse” is disgusting: It is belittling of a very real and very serious epidemic in the world, the desire to END inconvenient life. It is an attempt to equivocate those who end life {which anyone can do} with those who SEEK to welcome new life. Yes, sadly, abortions do happen due to overly successful infertility treatments; but a lot more abortions happen on a whole without any relation to infertility treatment. To earmark couples who are struggling to create a family as kin to abortionists is….. I don’t have words, because the whole thing just makes me shake in anger.

The bottom line, and my wish for Christian couples struggling through infertility, who already feel guilty for their inability to conceive, and for those who think they understand infertility, and pass judgment on others who can’t get pregnant from sex: Only God can create life. That’s it. No one else. Pursuing infertility treatment no more makes that person a creator of life, than the person who has sex.

Every doctor will tell you the same thing. They can explain how life begins, the science behind it, the reasons why it may not work, the reasons why it may, but no one can re-create the exact moment in which life begins. All the pieces can be put together perfectly, but that doesn’t guarantee anything. Just ask all the heartbroken couples who have tried to have children, through reproductive medicine, only to be told that nothing happened.

It is not possible for man, in anyway, shape or form, to create life: It is not a gift that God has given to us. He has given us the knowledge and tools to make it possible, particularly for those who’s own bodies may not be able to, but to actually create life, to get those cells replicating and heartbeat fluttering that is a gift still held only by Him.

“A good friend is cheaper than therapy.”

The past two weekends have been filled with friends, all of them new. At the beginning of the month we had my friend Kim and her family, as well as our friends Rob and Rachel {and baby R}, over for a BBQ. The weather was beautiful; the kids had a blast; and the husbands talked homebrew! It was great!

I met Kim through a mutual friend, both of us were the newbies in a Mom to Mom group started at a friend’s church. Said friend sent me a message saying how we had to get in touch with each other since, we had so much in common {blogging, quilting, photography (she’s a professional, I am not), multiples (they have 2 sets of twins, and 2 singletons), books, and husbands that are homebrewers}. It was a match made in heaven, even if life is crazy and we don’t get together very often.

Then last weekend (6.8) we invited my Due-Date buddy and her family to come for a visit. Cristina and I met online soon after we found out we were having triplets, not only did we share a due date, but we were both pregnant with triplets, and both with 2 boys and a girl: Our trio was born 12.22 and Cristina’s were born 12.30. It was so much fun to see all these littles running around and interacting with each other, with the added bonus of getting to hug Cristina and meet her husband!

We also had other friends of our’s and their 3 kiddos. The big{er} kids got to go down to the river and have some fun there, before the littles kind of took over the day. I was so beyond grateful that the rain held off and we were able to be outside.

What have you been up to the past few weekends? This weekend we’re having a quiet weekend at home. We’re not going anywhere, just working on things around the house, and then spoiling Matt on Sunday. Spending sometime together recuperating before July is here.

Just WRONG!

I saw this article on facebook this morning, about the use of aborted baby girls’ eggs in IVF. I started writing a response to it and realized it was way too long; best to leave these words for my blog.
I am so ANGRY about this.

I am angry about what science is doing {raping aborted baby girls’ for their eggs—and yes it is rape}.
I am angry about how the article presented infertility and perpetuated common misconceptions.

I am an infertile. Have been, always will be. Infertility had a PROFOUND affect on both my life and Matt’s; in more ways than most people could ever know. I am also the mother of multiples.

The use of the eggs of aborted babies is just…there are no words for how absolutely disgusting and despicable this act is. It is worse than the rape of children. It is the rape of children who were deemed unfit, for whatever reason, to live, but they are some how good enough to become mothers. Because YES, those body parts in a medical waste contain, that were pilfered for their eggs, are mothers.

I had not even ever imagined, not in my wildest, most horrible thoughts, that anyone could ever even conceive of using babies in this manner. I cannot even fathom the depravity of the mind of the individual who came up with such a thought. IT IS WRONG.

The article itself, not the topic, but the article is trash.


IVF does not exclusively equate the use of donor eggs {or sperm}. It does not equate men and women so desperate to be parents that they would be OK with using the eggs of aborted girls. It does not equate parents deciding to murder their children, when they deem that they’ve become pregnant with too many of them. Which is what the article would have you believe.

There are egg {and sperm} donors, adults who are willing to give of themselves in order to provide other couples with the chance of being parents. And honestly, I can’t imagine anyone I know, who has gone through infertility and IVF, who would knowingly or willingly be using such eggs.

I was given the choice to “selectively reduce” my pregnancy, to abort, to kill one of my children. We had families members and friends who honestly asked us whether we would be doing that {obviously, we didn’t}. Yes, it unfortunately does happen, but not as often as you would think.

The article not only misleads people to believe that anyone going through IVF is knowingly using the eggs of aborted babies, but that they are then killing the babies conceived themselves, that they did not want to get pregnant with in the event of multiples.

There is enough hurt and misconceptions about infertility, that there is no need for another such article to paint it in a horrible light.

Back to the topic of discussion:

There is absolutely NO NEED for this to be occurring. There is NO REASON for this to be happening.
THERE IS NO WORLD IN WHICH THIS IS RIGHT!

{and yes, that picture right there, is a 3D ultrasound picture of my triplets at 10 weeks—very much alive and very much human}
{and yes, I am pro-life and pro-infertility treatment}

National Infertility Awareness Week

This week is {obviously}National Infertility Awareness Week, a week dedicated to bringing infertility out of the dark. So many, many people are dealt the hand of infertility: One in eight couples deals with infertility. And, it's not just a "female issue", male infertility exists as well. The bottom line is it takes both to make a baby and both struggle with the emotional and physical impacts of infertility.

Don't ignore infertility. 

Very often there is a serious medical condition (past or present) that is the cause of infertility. Sometimes it can be resolved with treatment, either through medications or surgeries, other times it cannot and IUIs and IVFs become necessary to have a child. And sometimes, there is no resolution and couples are faced with the choices of surrogacy, gestational carriers, donor gametes, living child-"free", or adoption.

Don't ignore infertility.

The older you get the less chance there is of becoming pregnant. If you're 35 or older and have been trying for 6 months, see a doctor. If you're younger than 35, the recommendation is a year of trying. If you're dealing with painful cycles or other "girlie" issues, there is very often help to deal with that, and in the help there is hope of having a child.

Don't ignore infertility.

Infertility isn't just about not being able to get "knocked up"; it's the inability to have a successful pregnancy as well. For many couples, getting pregnant isn't the issue, staying pregnant is. Sometimes the "fix" is as simple as creating a more favorable environment in the body, other times it's much harder.


Don't ignore infertility.

If someone you know or love has been dealing with infertility lend your quiet support and love. It's hard to know what to say, a shoulder to cry on is enough, knowing that, while others can't and don't understand the pain, they are standing with you. If you don't know what to say, that's ok...it's better than saying "Relax", "It will happen", "It's part of God's plan", "Maybe you weren't meant to be parents", "Perhaps it's for the best"....as well meaning and sometimes true as those statements are they hurt to hear.

Don't ignore infertility.

Infertility doesn't just affect people trying to have their first child, it can strike without warning. Many couples are faced with Secondary Infertility, when they've had a first child with no medical intervention, but, for whatever reason, things don't "work" the second time around. Having a child doesn't preclude the pain and shattered dreams that come with trying for a second or third or more children. We each have our dreams of what our family will be, infertility can smash those dreams, the pain is no less painful after having a child.

Don't ignore infertility.

Most importantly, don't ignore each other. As I said before, infertility effects both people. Some of the hardest years of Matt and my marriage were the years in which we struggled with infertility. Not knowing how or if we would be come parents. What got us through it? Clinging to each other, of not placing blame, of falling on our knees before God, begging him to remove our desires to have a child or show us His way to that path, to let us feel His peace.

Don't ignore infertility.

God gives us wonderful doctors to help us through our lives: The bottom line...help is available. Without it we wouldn't have our beautiful children.

Visit Resolve's website for more information regarding infertility.

“Life is partly what we make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.” Tennessee Williams

We had a great weekend! Saturday we got up and were out of the house by 7:45am...on our way to Boston Public Gardens. Avelyn did really well on the ride up...we stopped about 1/2 way for a quick walk and a diaper change (it's a 4 hour drive from our house to Boston).

We got to the park around 12:40 and then we were going to meet Sadie and her family at the
George Washington Statue for a picnic lunch. Oh my goodness we had SO MUCH FUN! The kids were all crazy! We (the adults) played a rousing game of "keep the food away from the baby" while trying to have our picnic lunch.

It was so great to finally meet them! Sadie is my TTTC Sister that was setup by one of the girls on the TTTC Board (now Infertility), two years ago! So this day has been a long time coming. We've been through a lot together and it was awesome to finally be face to face with someone who has "been there and gets it" and who has been there for me through it all.


Then we met up with Rachel from Brisham Photography, who was going to do all of our photo shoots for the day. She was absolutely wonderful to work with and so sweet and fun :-)

A picture of us IF'ers: Eli and Emerson were asleep in the stroller, and Rachel's son, Brighton, was with his aunt.
Of course I couldn't go to a public garden without taking SOME pictures, especially of tulips! This park was wonderful. I told Matt I think we need to make yearly trips here: The tulips and the cherry blossoms were in bloom and it was so beautiful (and easy to get to!). Click here for more pictures!

After that we had to head up to NH for SIL's 30th birthday party...it was fun too:-D Avelyn did get to spend some time playing with her cousin. Then we had the long drive home yesterday. A did so well in the car...of course Matt had to sit in the back with her to keep her entertained, but that's ok...I got a picture, my perfect moment, of Matt asleep in the backseat with his arm around A in her carseat :-) (it's on Matt's phone though...I'll get it later).

More pictures here...

Double Ds

Double Digits: 99 Days before my due date!

Tomorrow my mom and I are going to Rochester for my 2nd cousin's bridal shower...We see them maybe once a year. And, for some reason I feel like I'm being tossed to the lions.

In spite of 3 years of trying and being 26 weeks (tomorrow) I still feel like the unfortunate teenager who got knocked up, isn't married, and has everyone whispering behind their back (never mind that I'm 27 on Tuesday, have been married almost 4 years, work, own my own house, and have been with Matt for almost 10 years!). On top of that I have a really hard time with people congratulating me or trying to talk to me about my being pregnant: That may be entirely weird, I don't know.

I had someone that I talk to on the phone for work call today and she congratulated me on being pregnant, my first reaction was to mumble a thanks and change the topic fast. I hate that I'm THAT uncomfortable with people congratulating me and with people talking about my being pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I am over the moon to be having a baby, but I'm still not believing this and still thinking that it's not real.

3 years ago, if I was pregnant with a little girl, I'd be blowing up the credit cards and emptying our bank account buying things. I haven't bought 1 thing. I think I'm afraid that it will make it too real, and then something will happen, or that buying things in the store without a baby at my side is me "posing" as having one.

The further and further I get along in this pregnancy the less real it is seeming. I keep looking at belly pictures of other women, the same week as me, and my belly looks so tiny compared to them (other people comment to me on how tiny I am). Yea, sometimes by night I have a definite belly, but for the rest of the day I could seriously hide it, I even find myself sucking in my stomach: I'm 26 weeks and I just feel like this should be more real, that I should be showing more; and that if I let myself believe this IS real, something is going to happen...so better to keep hiding it. I'm having some issues.

I wish I could just enjoy this, being pregnant, without all these other emotions that have me in a thousand different mind-sets.

Our Battle with Infertility

You can find the story of our battle with infertility on my new site JessicaMWhite.com

“Though those that are betray'd do feel the treason sharply, yet the traitor Stands in worse case of woe” Wm. Shakespeare

I think this is a post that inevitable all people who get pregnant after infertility write, whether in their heads or on their blogs.

It took us three years to get to this point, to actually see those two lines and the word "pregnant" and have it apply to us. There are others, friends, who are still out there, struggling with infertility, not knowing whether they'll manage to overcome and be victorious in their quests.

For me, I feel like a traitor; that somehow I plea bargained and took the lesser sentence, leaving the rest of my comrades in arms to fend for themselves. That I wasn't able to stand up to the interrogations and tortures and caved, telling my captors whatever they wanted to hear to release me. Then I think of something else: Perhaps others also think that we got off with a lesser sentence, that we only had to endure IUIs and not IVFs (although we were prepared to go that far).

We all, I think, still have moments when we feel that someone has gotten off easier: The person who's first medicated timed intercourse resulted in a BFP or the adoption placement that occurred within months of starting the adoption process. The road that we all travel to become parents, or not, is not easy. There is no path that is less difficult or less painful, they're all just different. Understanding, and respecting that difference, is crucial to us and to others.

Please pardon the language that is about to ensue.....

HOLY F*#@! I'm pregnant.
I just got a phone call from the RE's office about my beta, it's 64...I go back on Wednesday for a repeat. I asked her how that number was and she said really good, that they usually look for about 30. Of course on Betabase.info....it shows 168.

I never bothered to test again after Saturday morning, and obviously based on my post last night we were expecting to get told "sorry, try again". I'm beyond shocked!

I'm still in shock. I've had cramping all weekend, but I figured that it was just AF gearing up. I haven't told Matt yet. I'm sure he'll be excited, but I just can't believe it. Of course we'd both mentally prepared ourselves to be moving ahead with the next cycle.

Of course with the number what it is...I am sitting here wondering if it's ectopic, chemical, or too low to be viable. Now I just have to call my prescription company and cancel the order I placed an hour ago.

HOLY $H!T!


~TELLING MATT~
In retrospect I should have put the camera on the other side of the kitchen. I kept trying to position myself so that he would turn toward me at least....oh well. Just ignore me and my ridiculousness: The dogs kept jumping on me.

Isaiah 40: 29-31

"He gives strength to the weary, And to him who lacks might He increases power. Though youths grow weary and tired, And vigorous young men stumble badly, Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary."

I recently bought this book "Longing for a Child: Devotions of Hope for Your Journey Through Infertility"by Kathe Wunnenberg. (CBD.com has it for $2.99, it's $6.98 with shipping). I bought it at the beginning of this cycle and flipped through it a couple of times. I like how it's set up; they are different devotions and readings for the different emotions of infertility. It also has a section with prayers and verses for specific events (mother's day, father's day, baby showers, holidays etc).

This morning I tested. One of the things I wish infertility could be is black and white...none of this waffling back and forth and not know what is "real". I also took a test last Sunday (8dp-iui). Last Sunday's had a line, faint, but there...most likely it was still the trigger. My body seems to respond differently to it each cycle (last time it was out after 4 days).

As you all know I've felt nothing this cycle. I've had no response to the prometrium, no symptoms, no nothing...I feel completely normal and my jeans still fit, comfortably.

I tested this morning and it was stark white. I went back to bed and got up 10-15 minutes later because I hadn't dumped my pee cup. Of course one has to look at a stark white negative pregnancy test repeatedly and from different angles and in different lighting (I think it's some kind of sick obsession). I'm not even sure if what I see is really there, or if it's me hallucinating. There is, I think, a line ever so faint...that you can only see it from a certain angle under a certain light. Could it be an evap line? Most likely.

Before I had gotten out of bed the second time I was just laying there, wanting to cry, but not able to. I don't know what to do next: Do I start the adoption stuff? How are we going to get an ID consent form notarized in our small town without someone saying something? Why are we even having to deal with this? It's not fair? Are we ever going to be parents? Is a 2009 baby even in the cards for us? Is a 2010? Should we even be bothering to look at the Toyota Siennas? North Carolina's going to suck? Will I ever be a mommy? Should I email BCS and ask that they send us the preliminary application? WHY? WHY? WHY?

After getting up and "seeing" a "line" I went back to bed...and read the devotion (with the above verse) about "facing dreaded news". It talked about asking God to calm us. He can calm the storm, but sometimes we have to go through the storm and we need to, more importantly, calm ourselves and accept his plan and purpose. I have a hard time with that: Accepting things I don't understand, especially when there is so much pain associated with it.

For the past 36 cycles I have been prepared each month to tell Matt. This month is no different, except it's Valentine's day tomorrow. "Seeing" that "line" does something terrible to me: It gives me hope, and I'm afraid. What if that hope is just a figment of my imagination? What if I get my hopes up for this possibility? I know other people test on 13dp and get a resounding positive. Here I sit....wondering.

I know there is no possible reason why this cycle could work: They're were only 8 million motile sperm...that's not a very good number. The realization of that is countered by the fact that I did the ovidrel trigger my way, so I very well could have ovulated soon enough for 1 of those 8 million to find an egg or two. I hate this.

Now, do I test again tomorrow morning (before we go spend the day with family) or do I just wait until the phone call from my beta on Monday. Most likely, knowing me, I'll test again tomorrow and then I will probably cry.



I think I only added these pictures to torment myself the whole day (these were taken 1hr 20 minutes after original testing).

"No man is a failure who has friends" Clarence ~ It's a Wonderful Life

The weekends been all right. Saturday my dad dropped off Matt's christmas present and he stayed to talk for a bit. Growing up we had a really close relationship, but since getting married I don't see my dad very often and rarely do we have time together just the two of us to talk.

We talked more about his plan to open a shop: He's definitely excited about it and there's certainly no way (in my opinion) that it wouldn't work, especially with the economy in the tanker.

We also talked about Matt and my infertility and I tried to explain to him how we're feeling and the why. I think that our families sympathize for us and feel horrible that we're having to go through this, and I know that anyone of them would do something to stop our hurt if they could, but they can't grasp our reality and there's no way for them to understand how we feel or why.

My dad was talking about how important family is, and how family is the only thing you can count on and somehow we got around to saying that money isn't the most important thing. I then said to him "Dad, you say that family is the most important thing, that money is unimportant (which I agree), but without money we won't ever have a family. Where other people have to pay for their childrens' up keep...we have to pay just to have children." I could see it in his face that he really didn't get an inkling of any of this until that moment. So, I think (some of them) are slowly starting to understand more.


I've just realized that I still hadn't posted the pictures from when my cousin was here from Germany (left to right: Lena [Henrike's friend], Matt, Me and Henrike [my cousin]! What a whirlwind it's been: Can you believe it's CHRISTMAS WEEK already! All the presents are wrapped and it's only 3 more sleeps until Santa's been here and gone!

We have finally managed to shovel out; it was nowhere near as bad as I thought it was going to be. It is cold today: This mornings temp, at 5:30, was a balmy 6*: BRR!

I tried something different this weekend. I subscribe to the Hallmark magazine and in it there was a recipe for Garlic Herb Cheese, so I thought I'd try my hand at it (will post the recipe later). The first batch ended in the garbage, but the second batch came out really good. It was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be. I think everyone enjoyed it!

Our party went well last night...of course there was way too much food and a ton left over: It was great to see the Ss though. I think our dogs found some new best friends!

Matt's off today, so he and his friend R were going to spend the morning replenishing the home-brew stashes. Of course, it's back to work for me today...so not fair.
(Click on the picture to view it full size).

It was one of those perfect English autumnal days which occur more frequently in memory than in life. ~P.D. James

What a beautiful weekend we had here! The sun was shining and it was in the high 60s/low 70s. Good work weather.

Saturday morning Matt went back in the woods with my dad. They had to do something with a harness to one of the tree stands. They were all excited when they got back: There had been a 9 pointer (deer) standing below my dad's tree stand.

I spent a good portion of the morning working on the wall hanging. You guys are probably as sick of seeing it as I am, so I won't post a picture until it's done now. I had done a lot of the "surface" cleaning on Friday evening before my friend had come over to dinner, so I didn't do much of that.

In the evening we went with my parents, Matt's parents, and some friends of ours to Scott's for dancing. It's a small family resort that has a live band every Saturday night and dancing. We had fun.

Click for Album

Matt and I haven't danced in over a year: All of 2007 Matt was in pain and could barely walk because of his back and the beginning of this year he had back surgery, so this was the first time out dancing. We were rather comedic. He remembered a step differently than I did or I wouldn't follow his lead, we laughed a lot.

On Sunday we got up and went to church. When we got home I worked on making my orange marmalade (yum!) and Matt bottled his Bordeaux wine and his Pumpkin Spiced Ale. In the afternoon a friend of Matt's, R, came over and helped us stack some wood: We got three full rows done. The huge pile doesn't even have a dent in it!

Last Wednesday (10/8) I had finally stripped and roto-tilled the garden. We did make it bigger. We realized that the majority of what we want to grow takes up a lot of space….so we gave it a lot of space (big garden post coming up soon). On Sunday I planted all of our Spanish-Roja garlic: We have a pretty decent sized patch…about 4'x 5'. Hopefully it all comes up beautifully.

I did have a crazy infertility dream last night, a bit TMI. I had just given birth to a girl, but I wasn't in the hospital but on the floor of my old bedroom at home. I have no idea where Matt was or any of my family. I immediately started brea.stfeeding, the right side didn't work, but the left seemed to be fine. The nurses were rubbing her down, and they left the room.

I was just running my hand along her back and there was this stuff like dry cottage cheese coming off of her, it was like she was shedding. The next part in the dream the baby was walking around the room and having full conversations, and she was still a new born!

I have no idea what to make of this dream! Any ideas?

Ah Lord God! It is you who made the heavens and the earth by your great power and by your outstretched arm! Nothing is too hard for you. Jerem. 32:17

Here we are: It's MONDAY again! I'm trying to get excited, but it's just not working. I feel like the weekend was a whirl-wind, and yet I feel like nothing was accomplished.

Friday night my mom and her friend came over to help me get things labelled for the yardsale. Saturday morning I got up at 6:30 and started setting the tables up in the yard and carrying everything outside. By 6:50 I had sold Matt's car: YAY! That was the end of the excitement for the day.

At 2:00 it started pouring: I had only sold a handful of stuff: $50 (and one item was $10). There was a lot of cars going by, but not many people stopping. I had 5 boxes of stuff (glasses, mugs, knick-knacks) that all went to the church attic for the rummage sale, and I have 6 garbage bags full of clothes. If all the clothes had sold I would have had about $150+. Everything was priced around $.50-$3 depending on what it was and what shape it was in. I had some clothes that still had the original price tags on them, never worn. If anyone is looking for Women's clothes (size 14) or Men's clothes (32-34): Let me know. (pic: my mom and Matt's grandma).

After the disappointment that was my yard sale, I proceeded to go out and work in the garden and putz around the house. Matt had spent the day with my dad making sausage (my parents used to own a deli/butcher shop and my dad used to make everything for it). Unfortunately, Matt was stung by a bee: He is, of course, allergic to them. Fortunately he isn't someone who is severely allergic, but his arm did swell up and is still a little swollen and red...this after 2 days of benadryl. He may be going to the doctor this afternoon. In the evening we watched "Definitely, Maybe": It was cute.

Sunday we went to church and then up to Matt's parents' house. We had a lot of stuff that we need to pull out and get ready for the car show. While there we had lunch and then headed over to my parents for dinner (we are not a food oriented family at all ;-) In the evening we did some more things around the house: Matt went out and mowed the backyard (first time in 2 weeks) and I started cleaning the dining room. Afterward, we put on the TV and caught the tail-end of "Cheaper by the Dozen 2": Which I love!

Of course, the movie made me cry, but not in a bad way, more of in a happy way. At the end when they were all rushing Nora off to the hospital I did turn to Matt and say: "I want a big family". We've always pretty much wanted 4 kids, if we could have them for free, we'd probably have more. We both just love kids and love family. Now, we'll just have to wait and see.

Yes, these movies "glamorize" big families and make it look like a lot of fun and it's all wonderful and the parents have all this free time: Life isn't like a movie. The one thing the movie does well, is show the amount of love they have. Matt and I have a lot of love to share.

I never lose sight of the fact that just being is fun. ~ Katharine Hepburn

Katharine Hepburn....my FAVORITE actress! I love her! I certainly don't always agree with what she said or how she lived her life, but she was an amazing actress and always told people exactly how it was or what she was thinking; something I wish I was capable of (I always sit by in silence).

Yesterday we walked around outside and cleaned up the yard a bit. We also pegged out our veggie garden, where the hen house is going, the woodpile, and some trees we're going to cut down. Now I have to start ripping up the sod and preparing the soil: FUN! Fortunately the garden is not that big...maybe 8x10. We're hoping to get a start on our hen house in the next couple of weeks.

We're still waiting on the contractor to get back to us on the fencing. We decided we're going to bite the bullet and just do it. It became very obvious yesterday that it was necessary. I got home from work and took the dogs out, on their leash, in the backyard. We were out there a few minutes, when I looked toward the street and noticed a male pit-bull standing at the end of my driveway. He didn't do anything, but I right away put the girls back in the house, then went out front.

The neighbors had gotten a hold of him; no idea where the owners were. Later that evening, while driving to church, we saw another stray a couple blocks from our house. These are the 3rd and 4th sitings of unleashed dogs in our town in the past few weeks. With chickens in our yard and the girls out there (and kids someday) I want to know that they're all safe. We will be going ahead with the fence.

Tonight, I'm planning on playing soccer with my sister and her friends. That's more fun to me than 40 minutes on the elliptical. I also feel frustrated with the gym: I pay $40 a month and I haven't lost a pound after 3 months. I don't really have the extra $40 and I think I want to start back with my pilates DVDs: I always feel like I get more out of those.

"It isn't the stork, it isn't the stork, it isn't the stork at all!" lyrics from Once Upon a Mattress

Little bit of background on the title. These lyrics are from a song in Once Upon a Mattress (OUAM) in which the mute king is trying to explain the birds and the bees to his son...the son isn't that bright and isn't really getting what the mute king is trying to say. IF throws this line into a WHOLE other light:

I emailed my T-TTC sister (via TheNest) and we were talking about how this (having a baby) shouldn't be as hard as it is, here is an excerpt from my email:

The whole thing is absurd! This isn't how having children is supposed to be!
It's supposed to just "BAM!" happen…

I know what you mean about "Let me just be pregnant already!" Last night, I was having one of those aching moments (I think part of the reason for sitting on the couch). I just wanted to be pregnant…to go upstairs and look at the "nursery" room and have it all set up, to pick out clothes and shop for this little person, knowing that soon we would be holding our child. GRR!

I read on somebody's blog the other day, what will they say when Jr. asks "Where did I come from?" "Well, you came from a lab…" It really is like the old concept of the stork…but a lot more complex.

It isn't precisely 'the stork', but for some of us to get pregnant it takes: a TEAM of doctors and nurses, a slew of drugs and needles, repeatedely displaying your privates (external AND internal) to strangers, possible someone to donate missing elements...all in the hopes that eventually you will get those two lines on a pee-stick, and 9 months later to pop a healthy, beautiful baby (or two) out. Sounds like a whole lot to go through for something that teenagers manage to do quite easily.

If it were a matter of putting in a request to the 'stork' and having him/her drop a bundle down the chimney I'm more than willing to foot the bill for that. Honestly though, how are any of us who go through all of this ever going to explain to our kids where babies come from! It's an entirely 'foreign' thing we're going through here. I guess the simple answer is...God.

This whole thing is undoubtedly a leap of faith. Will it be all for naught? Or will we eventually be parents? (preferably before we're broke and living in a cardboard box over a sewer grate). GOD PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE ANSWER IS! I PROMISE I WILL NEVER SWEAR AGAIN, AND THAT I WILL VOLUNTEER MORE, AND DO WHATEVER ELSE YOU WANT ME TO DO! (Do you think bribing will work?)

On the other hand would we want children to be aware of how difficult it is sometimes to get pregnant? Not that they're like us and think this whole thing is as easy as it sounds in our Sex Ed/Health classes, and not that they think it's REALLY hard and don't bother protecting themselves.

"Spring shows what God can do with a drab and dirty world." ~Virgil A. Kraft

It's finally starting to look, and feel, like SPRING! Yesterday I went out and took some pictures of the crocuses that are coming up and worked on some of the front flower beds. There are so many leaves and dead branches everywhere! I could probably spend a good day working out front and not get it all done. All of my tulips though are persevering: I can't wait until they EXPLODE in color. I planted 2 new varieties last year: Sizzling Hot and French Lace.

I managed to finish my godmother's birthday gift last night, mailing it out today. I'll post a pic when I get home. I also got into a cleaning spree last night around 8:30. I just couldn't take it anymore: I scrubbed the toilet, swept/vaccuum/mopped the bathroom floor, and cleaned around the toilet and the sink.

Today is day5 since we stopped putting the dogs in the crate. On Saturday I took the crate cleaned it, folded it up, and put it in the basement. Hopefully they continue! There's so much more room now without the crate.

I have decided to paint our living room. I think I know which slipcover we’re getting from Ikea (we go the 26th).
Now I have to decide on what colors: Here are the two inspiration colors. I want to cheer-ify the room. It just seems so dark and drab sometimes. Any input? (poll at the top) My only concern with the yellow is that our upstairs hallway is a very light yellow, and that it would be too much yellow, but the stairs are completely seperate from the living room (door at the bottom and all). I'm really liking the blue though too. HELP!

The musical was awesome this weekend! I know I'm biased, but my sister did a fantastic job! She hit every note perfectly, made the audience laugh, and you could just see she was having fun. The kids all did such a wonderful job. Saturday night was especially funny because they were getting into the groove and felt they could get away with a bit more. They were ad libbing and just being funny. I still haven't figured out how to transfer video from the camcorder, but once I do I'll get some snippets up. Here's a smattering of pics:
Seeing the show definitely made me miss doing theater.