I think this is a post that inevitable all people who get pregnant after infertility write, whether in their heads or on their blogs.
It took us three years to get to this point, to actually see those two lines and the word "pregnant" and have it apply to us. There are others, friends, who are still out there, struggling with infertility, not knowing whether they'll manage to overcome and be victorious in their quests.
For me, I feel like a traitor; that somehow I plea bargained and took the lesser sentence, leaving the rest of my comrades in arms to fend for themselves. That I wasn't able to stand up to the interrogations and tortures and caved, telling my captors whatever they wanted to hear to release me. Then I think of something else: Perhaps others also think that we got off with a lesser sentence, that we only had to endure IUIs and not IVFs (although we were prepared to go that far).
We all, I think, still have moments when we feel that someone has gotten off easier: The person who's first medicated timed intercourse resulted in a BFP or the adoption placement that occurred within months of starting the adoption process. The road that we all travel to become parents, or not, is not easy. There is no path that is less difficult or less painful, they're all just different. Understanding, and respecting that difference, is crucial to us and to others.
11 comments:
I don't think anyone who has made it this far "gets off easy." I'm thrilled for you and Matt, regardless of whatever the future holds for me and my DH.
You'll be in my thoughts on Monday. I hope everything is just perfect for you.
I think we all feel that way. I too feel saddened and guilty moving ahead in line.
They called our number, thats all. There are many more numbers to call.
Sorry, messed up my last post.
I love the quote. I hate it when I read someones post complaining about how their IF is so much harder than the girl that got pregnant on clomid. I don't understand why people feel the need to compare pain like that. You're right, they are just different. Apples to oranges. Incomparable.
Don't feel bad about making it out of here, we all want the same thing. Congrats again. I hope I get to be a 'traitor' someday too.
Yep - pregnant/parenting after infertility is a very strange place to be. You feel elated yet guilty... feeling like a traitor is a very good way to put it. I told my dad I felt guilty after we first learned I was pregnant and he just looked at me like I was insane and said something along the lines of "That's stupid" which, you know, didn't make me feel any better.
And suddenly the fertile world is going to start treating you like one of them, which will really throw you for a loop.
I've definitely noticed a decrease in comments I receive, which I totally understand. I also know that I don't comment as much on infertility blogs because I feel like they probably don't want to hear from me.
And even though we did do IVF, I still feel guilty that it worked on our first try... even though we didn't have any embryos survive to freezing. (See? That's me trying to downplay our success to feel better about the guilt. Crazy.)
Blah. Infertility still sucks.
S and I feel the same way about our ease in getting pregnant. There are so many couples that we know that are on double digits of iuis without getting pregnant. I feel lucky and at the same time guilty that it only took us three iuis to get pregnant. Kind of like I cut in line. Mostly I just try to feel grateful for what I have and hope that I never forget how lucky we are in so many ways
Don't have anything useful to add, but didn't want you to think that I wasn't listening. :)
This is exactly how I feel.....
This is such a great post, Jess. It is hard to move on from where we are now. I think for me, it's because I spent so long identifying myself as "infertile" and now that feels like a jacket that just doesn't fit. At the same time, because I have pursued third party reproduction, that infertility is never going to go away. So I'm leaving something behind, in a way, but at the same time I can never leave it behind.
I totally feel that way, and I didn't get pregnant, but rather our adoption opportunity just fell in our laps the day after our profiles went public. I just continue to thank God that He placed a child in our arms, and I keep praying for all the wonderful ladies that helped me along our journey and who are still fighting thru their own. I struggled for a while with starting a new blog about our parenting and leaving the IF blog behind, but I finally realized that I wasn't leaving the IF behind b/c that would ALWAYS be a part of my life. Rather I was leaving the IF blog behind. I have lost readers b/c they can't identify with me anymore, but I don't hold anything against them. They have to do what they have to do to help themselves get thru their process. You certainly have not had it easy, so don't feel as though others think that way at all. Three years is a LONG time to wait.
CONGRATULATIONS on your pregnancy! I'm sorry you feel this way. You did a beautiful job of putting it into words.
*ICLW*
I hear what you're saying in relation to fertility stuff. I guess I think feelings like that apply in many areas. For example, I was feeling that way when I recovered from my relapse fairly quickly with no permanent issues but I have an "online friend" who has permanent numbness in her hands and never felt her daughters hair. I found myself feeling guilty for recovering so quickly. All of us have dealt with different things. I'm very happy for you guys!!
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