15 weeks 1 day

Why does that sound like such an *oh my goodness* number: 15 weeks! I told Matt the other day that we have only 5 more weeks until we're half-way to having this kid be here. I think that's got us both motivated :-)

I'm addicted to my doppler. Once a day I listen, just to make sure everything is going all right. What is interesting is that when I use the doppler sometimes I get a sound like someone thumping a microphone...I half-wonder if it's the Alien kicking or hitting near where I have the "probe". If it is I haven't felt it; and THAT is a feeling I can't wait for (even better, Matt feeling the baby).

I've had a little bit more in the way of stretchy-feelings, but nothing overly terrible. For the most part I feel pretty good...a bit tired, but nothing out of the ordinary. I am noticing that even though I don't have too much in the way of nausea, I never know what to eat, because NOTHING sounds good. That and foods with very strong tastes (garlic etc) do not like me. In spite of all this I think I've gained back about 1lb (still 5 or so down); so I guess I'm eating something.

I ordered myself a totally cute maternity swimsuit. I tried on my tankini (the one I wore on our honeymoon in Jamaica) and the top wouldn't stop rolling up...I'm sure that's in part from my gaining 20 lbs since I last wore it (I'm blaming it on IF)...I can't blame it all on the Alien. Hopefully it will get here soon and hopefully it fits right and looks good. It's been kind of hit or miss with maternity clothes. My old navy jeans are ehh...I have to safety pin the back of them, but my kohls one's I LOVE (they fit just perfect).

Now I just have to find some clothes for NC...I have a couple of knit shorts which still should fit and I have a couple of tops coming from motherhood....so hopefully I'll be good. It's hard to know what I'm going to look like in 3 weeks; especially considering this is heading towards the time when suddenly people go from bloat to pregnant looking. I'll probably just go to walmart or fashion bug and pick up some knit capris and shorts. I do have two cute sun dresses.

I'm definitely starting to notice my "bump" getting bigger. Of course I am ONLY 15 weeks....according to the PP she didn't show, even to herself, until she was at LEAST 20 weeks (woopdee-freekin-do). I'm seriously thinking more and more her animosity toward me is nothing more than vying for attention: Oh well.

Here's the latest and greatest of the belly shots (I always think of alcohol when I say that); sorry, it's kind of blurry. This was taken in the morning, and I definitely have more of a bump at night.

"There is a fine line between dreams and reality, it's up to you to draw it." ~B. Quilliam

I believe the curtain is being drawn between our dreams and our reality; slowly we're stepping out on on stage, albeit it timidly, ready to embrace our new roles: Mom and Dad.

Over the past few days it is becoming increasingly real to us; that we are going to be parents, we are going to have a baby....HOLY SHIT! I think it's an amalgamate of things; hearing the heartbeat, at home, being one of them.

We've had our copy of Baby Bargains for a few weeks now, and after hearing the heartbeat I kind of came face-to-face with reality....we gotta start preparing for this kid! I sat down and wrote a short list of the necessary items we need...and I do mean necessary. We have a list of about 7-10 things (not including clothes etc) that we need to get.

Fortunately we don't need to get any furniture. Three years ago my aunt and uncle generously gave us their baby furniture from my 2 cousins (the youngest is now 5). That, right there, saves us about $600-$1000; we do need to get a mattress, as the one that we have is probably 10 years old (my oldest cousin). Now to start researching....

Only 3 more weeks until we [hopefully] find out whether we're having a girl or a boy...of course, I'm secretly hoping it's a girl, even though EVERYONE ELSE hopes it's a boy or thinks it's a boy. In all honesty, we both just hope the baby is healthy and gender doesn't mean a spit of difference.

14 weeks 1 day

We found the Alien's heartbeat with our fetal monitor! I tried on 4/22 and had no luck. Yesterday morning I woke up with some twinges and cramping (figure it to be just stretching)...I figured "Ok, I'm 14 weeks...maybe we'll find it" and I did...first shot! I couldn't get an accurate read on the heart rate, it was looking like anything from 155-175...which anywhere in there is good.

I seem to be getting some really bad headaches (borderline migraines). I've always gotten them and they've usually been hormone induced. I'm not sure if this is hormones or from pushing myself with working in the store at the end of the week. It just seems like every Sunday I end the day with a splitting headache that doesn't go away with sleep. I'm thinking I'm going to try only working a 1/2 day on Saturday. It couldn't hurt. Then I'll ask my doctor when we go.

I'm feeling all right. The nausea had picked up at the beginning of the week, but it seems to be getting a bit better. There are certainly things that set it off: Anything in which my belly is getting smooshed (squating, sitting "indian" style, bending over) or if I go a long period of time without eating. Tiredness isn't as much of an issue, I've always gone to bed at reasonable times; However, there were a couple of days last week that I sat out in my car at lunch time and fell asleep for 20 minutes.

I've still managed to "hide" my pregnancy at work....I'm sure people are getting suspicious, but no one has said anything. I figure the day after our next appt (5/11) that I'll bring cupcakes in with pink and blue icing on them...see if they figure it out. At that point I'd only be in the office another week before vacation and I'm sure after vacation I won't be able to hide it anymore: So two more weeks until the big unveiling.

13 weeks 1 day

Only 2 more days until I'm out of the first trimester: YAY!

Today my nausea has picked up a bit...we drove to the nearest "city" (an hour 1 way) to do some shopping. We remembered why it's been 10 months since our last foray there: There is absolutely nothing in any of the stores...I don't know if it was just us, but Target, Old Navy, and Kohls...none of them had ANY maternity stuff. I think between the 3 stores they maybe had 10 racks of clothes...and it was all tiny sizes or huge sizes. I came home with 2 sundresses that my mom (she and my sister went too, but in a separate car) and a pair of jeans I found at old navy. I ended up ordering stuff online from kohls and Motherhood...they both had shipping promos going on.

In other pregnancy news: I've managed to lose 6lbs now and yet my clothes are getting tighter. I'm really not looking forward to work. The bella band is great, but none of my shirts are long enough to cover it so it looks really funny, and only 1 pair of my work pants actually can be worn with a bella band.

Pretty much we're out to everyone now. I still haven't told my coworkers...I'll probably wait until after our next OB appt (5/11). Of course, that's hoping I can keep this on the DL for 3 more weeks (being 16 weeks at that point). We'll see...

12 weeks 1 day

Nothing much to report this week. We had our 2nd OB appt this past Tuesday and were able to see the alien again, which made me very happy. Everything looked good at that.

I still don't know how I'm managing to work the way I am. I leave for my real job at 7:30am, get home from that at 5:00pm, let the dogs out for a few minutes, then head over to the store and work until 7:30-8:00pm there (monday-friday). Then Saturday it's another 12 hour day, with only Sunday off. I think it's only be the grace of God that I'm not crashing: I'm tired, but not exhausted.

Nausea is all right...it seems to be lessening in it's intensity. Doesn't happen as often or as bad, just have to make sure I'm snacking a bit if I know a meal is delayed. I don't know if there is anything else for me to report on.

I ordered a doppler on Friday and it should be here tomorrow: Hopefully it will work.

I hope you all had a happy Easter and Passover.

2nd OB Appt.

We got an ultrasound today (WOOHOO!) and saw the alien waving away at us. Dr G was great, Matt liked her. He really liked how she referred to the alien as "pumpkin", because that's his nickname for me (obviously she doesn't know that).

One of the things that really struck me, and is more obvious with the u/s pictures, is the quality of the equipment: The pictures from our RE at 6 and 7 weeks are more detailed than the pictures from the OB at almost 12 weeks.

The alien was measuring just under 12 weeks, my uterus is measuring at 12 weeks, the crown to rump measurement was I think 4.8cm (almost 2"), heart rate was 169. We go back on May 11th for another check up, then probably our anatomy scan will be on May21. I told her that we were going on vacation and it would give me a lot of peace of mind to have another ultrasound and know that things are going well. She didn't see a problem with that at all.

They also did my annual exam today... so I got PAP'ed, a breast exam, and a pelvic exam. She doesn't seem to think I'll have any trouble birthing this kid, since I have "such nice pelvic placement"....more compliments on my child-bearin' hips.

Dr G was really cool she already had read my chart. She introduced herself to Matt: It was really great with her.

So I guess I'm really pregnant: I stop my prometrium this Saturday, then two weeks from this time I will officially be out of the first trimester.

11 weeks 1 day

One more week and I get to stop my progesterone! You have no idea (well you probably do) how excited that makes me.

We have our next OB appt on Tuesday, hopefully that goes smoothly. I was talking to a friend of mine (N, who just had her baby a couple of months ago) about her doctor (she goes to the same OB/GYN as me)...she said that they'll probably definitely do at least a heart beat check. They better! or I'm going to be a bit upset.

We told my brother and his wife on Thursday, as well as my aunt and uncle yesterday. My SIL is excited to be an "auntie", my brother...who knows...I don't think he's even said congratulations to Matt and beyond formalities with me...nothing else. Whatever.

It's weird being out; I don't think I particularly like it. The more people who know and congratulate makes me nervous. It's funny because everyone is so excited and yet Matt and I are still not believing it and not letting ourselves become excited. That and I don't want to share this with anyone...it's US and OURS, telling feels like cheapening it and making it available to the general public.

I'm sure people are probably wondering if we're not happy about it. Every once in a while, depending on who it is, I validate that it took us three years, that last year with the doctor, to get pregnant and we're still not believing it. Some people get it and other people just don't (like my massage therapist-who is a very sweet woman).

In other news...I notice that if I'm not in bed by 10pm, my nausea really kicks in and I feel worse. We've had a lot of late nights this past week, what with the store and my sister's show, so there have been a lot of nights of sitting in bed with crackers and ginger ale. My energy does seem better, but I think I've just been going balls-to-the-wall this week with the store...waiting for me to crash. I slept last night for 10 hours and never woke up once.

Here's an updated belly shot slideshow.

10 weeks 1 day

We're a 1/4 of the way there: YAY! 10 weeks is starting to sound like an "official" pregnancy. we told our pastor today and she is ecstatic for us, she knows all that we've been going through.

It's kind of weird being "out"...I'm not used to people asking me how I'm feeling and what-not. That and I'm afraid of jinxing this pregnancy. Especially with my MIL who just does not stop talking about BIL's wife being pregnant and just pregnancy in general.

Evening sickness is still here (almost every night, but varying in how severe)...boobies are still tender...definitely sleepy. Supposedly my nipp.les are bigger, but I haven't noticed...I'll leave that one to the boob-expert in our house.

No noticeable difference in my tummy from last week. I'm definitely bloated by the end of the day...like my stomach hurts because of how it's stretched out.

I finally had a beloved turkey sandwich today. Yesterday I was making subs, for all the kids that handed out flyers around town, and the turkey was calling my name. I have to confess I did have 2 small bites of my sister's sub (which I would never dream of doing if it was someone elses store or product). I took a pound home, microwaved it ('til steaming) and had my sandwich today....yum!!

We've actually set the date for my shower: August 29th. I have family visiting from Germany...so my mom wants to do it while they're here and have a huge family BBQ after the shower, since all of our stateside family will be visiting anyways. I guess we're also having a tiny double shower in NC, since MIL's sisters' won't be able to make it to my or BIL's wife's shower. Of course, now my MIL wants me registered for things by then...I just don't know about registering at 16 or 17 weeks. I guess I could always just throw some things on a registry.

Nothing else really going on. Another week until our OB appt.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

I have a bit of trouble with the above verse: No matter how hard I try, I worry WAY TOO MUCH! I know I do this.

I've made my first phone call to the OB (still waiting to hear back from them). I noticed on Monday afternoon (after I moved a case of paper 2 feet), that I was having some stretchy/pulling like pains in my lower abdomen. They went away. Yesterday they were on and off. Today they're almost constantly on, just ranging in intensity from nothing much, to feeling like a sharp menstrual cramp.

I'm thinking that it's most likely just my muscles stretching, especially since it's running right along the muscle line that attaches the pubic bone to the hip bone. Since I don't have any blood the receptionist didn't seem too concerned, and since they haven't called me back I'm thinking it's nothing much.

I just can't help but worry. I knew before I ever was pregnant that worry was going to be a HUGE thing for me: I'm a worrier, I always worry, I create things to worry about, there's always something that has me worrying. I try and pray so hard about it, but it's that bag of garbage I'm always snatching back from God. (Why do we do that?!)

Deep down I know that everything is fine. I know that God is in control with this pregnancy, and I know that everything is going to be perfect. That come October we're going to have a beautiful, healthy baby. I KNOW THIS! but I still worry. Oy!

9 weeks 1 day

Every week feels like WOOHOO!!!

I'm feeling ok. Definitely tired. My nausea seems to kick in full force around 8:30-9:00pm, I'm grateful that it's at the end of the day. I do have nausea on and off through out, but I basically snack the whole day to deal with it (the scale isn't liking that too much). I do try and eat healthy snacks, fruits and such.

I guess we're officially "out". We told Matt's parents last night, his mom got teary. My parents were there too (we were all working at the store) and they all started congratulating each other on being grandparents: It was rather humorous. We'll tell his grandparents tonight, then his sister when we see her this week. Of course everyone keeps telling me that we have to have a boy: Oy!

Yesterday I was hosting a baby shower for our friends J & N, and their daughter Natalie. So we told them, after the shower, and my mom's best friend (Mrs. H, J's mom). She came running over to me, crying and gave me a huge hug. N (J's wife) gave me THE biggest hug I think I've ever gotten...and she's a tiny girl. J said congrats and it was hugs all around. Of course after that I got told to stop cleaning up and go sit down and was handed Natalie for "practice".

The rest of the afternoon Mrs. H just had this huge grin on her face and kept saying to my mom how they get to be grandma's together...and there were more tears. Mrs. H and N, just kept saying how happy they were and what perfect parents we'll make. I don't think anyone can top her reaction, or N's.

The shower was a bit tough, only because people kept asking me if I have kids, and whether we wanted kids. I didn't want to answer, at 9 weeks, actually I'm pregnant (especially not before Mrs. H and N were told). I held Natalie almost the entire shower...and surprisingly, it didn't hurt. It was rather surreal, I may really have a baby of my own in the fall. That a baby like this, is growing in my belly. Natalie is tiny...she weighs at 5 weeks, what I weighed when I was born, 7lb 10oz. Her feet are HUGE! They quite seriously are the length of her calves.

One lady was sitting next to me holding Natalie and she started to fidget and the lady said that she was getting nervous holding her. I asked her if she wanted me to take her, she did. Then she made a comment about how natural I am with her. There have always been babies around, my sister is 10 years younger than me, I'm used to them. One thing it made me feel better about was that I've been thinking about what do I do with this tiny creature when it get's here...I definitely feel reassured that I can do that and know what to do.

I go on April 7th for my next appt with the doctor: I'm hoping to really talk to her about my peace of mind and ultrasounds. I'm really hoping she'll humor me that day and let me have one, or at the very least listen for a heart beat...I'll be 11 weeks.

The current debate going on in our house is the car dilemma: We know what we're getting a Toyota Sienna (Matt's car is dying). I've wanted a minivan for a while: They're the only vehicle, that is not a truck, that you can fit a sheet of plywood in. The Sienna is the only van with AWD, kind of a necessary thing around here. We also know that this is going to be the last car we buy for a long time, this is going to be the family car and needs to fit however many kids we wind up with.

The debate is whether we go with buying a used vehicle (2005, with 60k miles, is about $17,000) or do we buy a brand new van (2009 is about $30,000). We're leaning toward the new for several reasons: 1) Toyota has awesome financing right now, 2) Toyota has some really great promos going too, 3) we'll have a higher monthly payment, but the car will be paid for and only 4 years old, vs buying a used and it's 10 years old and paid for.

Friend's of my parents have a BIL who works for a Toyota dealership in Northern NJ: We're going to call him and have him do a price work up for us, see what they can do. Then go visit our local Toyota dealer in O-town and see what they can do, and check out the actual car there.

I've attached a slide show of the belly..ya'll get to see a closeup of my big butt. I notice a difference this week: My bottom pooch is pointy-er, and not as rounded as it used to be...I don't know if that's something or not. I do know that I had to wear my tighter work pants unbuttoned with my bella band.

First OB Appt

It was such a waste of time! I hate to say that, but it was true...they never even checked me out for anything! Not even a touching of my belly or any kind of exam.

My appt was at 9...they took me back at 9:10. They sat me in a room...and I waited for another 10 minutes for a nurse. She came in, asked me a bunch of random questions, about when was my last period, why was I taking clomid (all of which is in my chart).

She tells me when my big appts are (15-18wks, 20 wks, 28wks)...and that I'll have 1 ultrasound at 20 weeks and a few appts here and there, and that's it. I'm sure she's used to patients that know absolutely nothing, because a lot of it was repetition to me (explaining the glucose test). She then ships me out of the room to another part of the building to have blood work done.

I know this is probably just how things are done, but they're so much more impersonal than the RE :-( (which I knew would be the case). I go back on april 7th to meet with the doctor.

The other thing is they ask on the medical form any questions/concerns you may have....and if I didn't bring them up, I don't think she would have ever asked (my anxiety levels and "attacks"). I put it right out there that I'm very anxious about this pregnancy and would like as many U/S as possible, even if we're paying OOP for them. We'll see....she just said it's all up to the doctor.

It was a definite waste of 2 hours, that could've been done over the phone.

Otherwise, I'm doing all right. Definitely the nausea is picking up, still bearable, but definitely getting more frequent...especially at night, right around 9-9:30. Boobs are definitely sore. I'm almost always up and in bed by 9:15 or so. I'm just too tired to stay up much past that. I have a couple of nightly treks to the toilet.

The nurse asked me if I "Felt pregnant"...I just looked at her and said, "How does pregnant feel?" I know how I feel, but I don't know if it's pregnant feeling. Oy! I guess I have joined the ranks of "normal" pregnant people.

8 weeks 1 day

The hunger has been replaced with not wanting to eat, even when I am hungry. Yesterday I felt fine...not a smidge of nausea, all the way until about 9:30pm...of course by that time I was nervous about not having any nausea. It took a bit to fall asleep, but I did. I've also noticed my gag reflex has kicked in: Brushing my teeth can now be dangerous, clearing my throat, or anything else in the back of my mouth....eek.

Today started off all right, but by lunch time I was ugh. I wanted to eat, but the very thought of anything that I thought of for lunch made me want to be sick. We ate dinner at my parents and I had to choke it down, a few bites at a time are all right, but to actually sit and eat...not too great. Last night I had a bowl of cereal with a banana in it: That's what I had appetite for.

Don't get me wrong: I'm absolutely ecstatic at feeling nauseous. To me, as long as I'm nauseous, things are going well, and I worry just a bit less. I have to go to the grocery store again to restock our fresh fruit supply. Grapes seem to really be my friend.

Sleep...by 11am I'm ready to go back to bed for a few hours. I make it through the day, but inevitably by 8 or so, I'm giving puppy eyes to Matt for us to go to bed. I had every intention of reading last night, I rested my head on Matt's shoulder for a few seconds...next thing I knew it was 11 and he was turning out the lights (we'd gone up at 9:30).

Crazy dreams I've had too. Yesterday I woke up from a dream about the store that is opening in the space next to us "Penguin Custom Ice Cream". They're kind of like Cold Stone in that they make whatever you want. Well my dream entailed black raspberry ice cream, with hot fudge and fudge cups (which, I don't even know if such a thing exists: They were PB cups, with no PB, but filled with fudge). I woke up telling Matt I wanted ice cream. This could be very bad that an ice cream shop is going in next door.

It's amazing, I'm only 8 weeks, but people (my mother and Matt) have already voiced what they think the baby is: A boy. My mother is convinced that it's a boy: She was also convinced that my sister was a boy, to the point that they never even picked out a girl's name. Scientifically speaking, knowing that one ovulates 36-48 hours after trigger and my IUI was 24 hours after, and knowing that frozen sperm doesn't live as long as fresh...I would have to say that it's more likely that only a female sperm survived a full 12-24 hours until ovulation: That's my guess. Of course whatever we got we'll be ecstatic about, but girls' clothes are just so ADORABLE!

I've been taking belly shots all along, but I figure there's no real difference in them. Once there is I'll post them all in one post. My first OB appt is on Wednesday; hopefully they can tell me then when my next ultrasound is...hopefully it's not months away.

My Favorite Martian

As everyone gives their kids some cutsie name in utero, we've dubbed ours "Martian"....since we both think it looks like an alien.

This morning we had our 2nd and all looked good. The heartbeat was at 128 and everything was looking good. They actually gave us a DVD of the whole ultrasound (down below)....I've put a snippet of it below. The cool part is we actually got to hear the heartbeat today, which I wasn't expecting. I'm released and off to the OB next Wednesday. YAY for no more trips to Albany (hopefully any time soon).

I also told my boss today. I could tell that what I told her wasn't what she was expecting to hear...she started to say "Good job", but then caught herself midway through. She was happy for us and glad that I had told her, they still want me to take the position. She was telling me how when she became Plant Manager she had the same situation, she found out she was pregnant with #2 just before taking the position. The funny things she said were "You're allowed to have kids" and "these things happen, they're not usually planned". She did ask me if I planned on coming back to work afterwards and I answered honestly, that right now I plan to. I'm glad I told her.

Matt called his brother to let him know how our appt went...he mentioned that I had told my boss this morning, "That's a mistake"...that was his response. Nice right.

Last night we were at church for a Lenten supper: Matt had a meeting afterwards and I left immediately after we ate. Matt's grandparents were there and his grandfather starts going about how only 1 of their grandchildren is interested in having kids. Then looks at Matt and goes, "Oh, except you guys". Matt was like uhh, thanks.

I think that's about all that's going on in the White House.

7 weeks 1 day

I'm doing all right. My anxiety "attacks" are more and more frequent and aren't going away. I'm sure it's related to pregnancy. There are just so many things I'm anxious about, and so many different emotions going through my head. Am I happy that we're pregnant: Yea.

I was emailing with a fellow IF blogger and said that I'm really just kind of blase. I know that a BFP and heartbeat doesn't mean a baby. I feel absolutely no attachment to this child, and, as horrible as it may sound, if I were to miscarry I don't think I'd be heartbroken. I don't even think I'll feel anything toward it until I'm 1/2 way through the pregnancy and can feel the baby. I know that sounds horrible, but I guess that's what 3 years of IF does to you.

Other than emotions and anxiety...I'm doing all right. Some nausea, always hungry, tired, but none of these are really making me convinced that I'm pregnant. I do notice that it is worse at night. I've had quite a bit of pain in my lower back and hips. Friday I got home from work and just laid on the wood floor for 20 minutes. From what I've read, this is normal and caused by additional blood flow to my uterus...sure.

I guess part of my lack of emotion about this pregnancy is that I don't FEEL pregnant. We'll just have to wait and see. Our next ultrasound is this Thursday, if all is good I'll call and schedule our first OB appt.

I told my massage therapist at my last appt: Oh my goodness! I think she was more excited than I am; she was seriously jumping up and down and hugging me. I tried to explain a bit of our troubles, that it did take us 3 years and numerous doctors appts to make it to this point, but I don't think she was comprehending it, especially after she said "now that you got pregnant once, you'll have a hard time not being pregnant". Umm, yeah, that won't happen for us.

She was all excited because we could get started on a nursery...I told her that the nursery is already done, and explained that we had started the adoption process and being that we've been trying for 3 years it gave us something to do, and that after this baby is born we're going to continue the adoption process. I then got the "You're still going to adopt? Even after having your own?" Yea, we are, I'm actually kind of sad that we're postponing til 2010. I guess I'm just so used to dealing with the IF community and having people understand and "get" everything, that when someone doesn't get it, it really frustrates me.

I haven't taken and belly pictures, because there really isn't a belly, just me. I did wear my bella band last night with jeans...they just weren't comfy from bloat, I must say, I love that thing! It's awesome! On to telling Matt's parents. His mom got home from Mexico last night, but his dad doesn't get home until the 22nd. So we have to keep quiet until then.

We're home....

What a trip! The roads there were horrible: We just kept seeing cars going off the road here and there. We actually had some moron in a tiny little red toyota go flying past us (had to have been doing at least 60 in a snowy lane). 4 miles down the road everyone is slamming on their brakes: This guy clipped two minivans and the whole front of his car was smashed. I think everyone was ok though.

We ended up being about 15 minutes late, but I had called and told them about the accidents and roads, so they were fine with it. The whole ride up my stomach was in knots and I felt horrible (I'm sure it was nerves more than anything). We get in, get on the table and right away I could see the heartbeat. Very cool! I think I was expecting to have some hyper emotional moment, but I didn't. Matt and I just had dumb smiles on our face.

So the baby is measuring at 3mm and the heart rate was 109: The nurse was happy with everything and said that it all looked great! We go back next Thursday for another u/s then I think we get released to my OB/GYN. I was right about the due date: October 24th.

We went out and had a nice dinner at one of our favorite restaurants...1/2 way through I started to feel pretty crappy. After dinner we headed to Barnes and Nobles to get me Your Pregnancy Week by Week. I have What to Expect, but I don't like how it's only broken down by months.

We stopped at my parents house on the way home and told them the news: It was rather humorous. Matt went about doing a bunch of work related stuff, then went over to my dad and said "Here, you have a decision to make: Opa or Papa?" My dad was just like "What?" then He figured it out, went flying out of his seat, kicked the washbasket across the room, and gave me a huge hug.

By this point my mom had figured it out...she comes running over. Then my sister who was laying with her legs in my lap goes "WHAT?! You're PREGNANT?!" and gives me a HUGE hug. My sister's response was the best though, because she's not at all into babies or any of it, and just to have her that excited was pretty cool. My mom came running over and jumped in my lap and my dad started yelling at her to get off my lap. I told him that it's quite all right, the baby is only the size of a lentil. Of course there were the obligatory when are you due etc questions.

I don't have it on video, but I am glad that we told them. My mom has been really on my case about things to do with the store opening, and I haven't been up to scheduling work and everything, not knowing how I'm going to feel. I was completely waiting for them to be like "Oh, well this isn't very good timing"...but it was better than that :-)

We just got home a little while ago; I'm whooped and there's still groceries to put away. Here's a better quality u/s shot: The other I had taken a picture of the picture with my cellphone.



Oh, I think it's rather fitting that my 500th post was our first ultrasound picture: I completely didn't plan it that way :-) Thank you again to all of you for your comments, prayers and thoughts. *HUGS* to all of you.

We're official heart rate of109 net down @ home posting from cell thx 4 a

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6 weeks 1 day

Tomorrow we FINALLY go for an ultrasound! I can't wait, and at the same time I can. I honestly think everything will be fine, but there's always that little voice that makes you doubt. Hopefully all is good and I can stop having these anxiety attacks...they're horrid.

My anxiety attacks aren't anything life threatening or serious: I basically get a tightening in my chest, my heart starts to pound, and I have to take really deep breaths to calm myself. The closer we've gotten to tomorrow the more of them I'm having. I keep practicing my breathing and trying to calm myself.

All of you who have been pregnant, are pregnant, and who have NOT had a breast reduction I pity you. In the past two days my boobs have become HYPER sensitive...the shower hurts, clothes rubbing against my nipples hurt...I can ONLY IMAGINE what it would be like if I wasn't desensitized. Fortunately, like the nausea, it seems to come and go in how bad it is.

I've had a bit of cramping this morning, but it felt more like O pain, but lower, more of a sharp twinge. I'm not too concerned. I did lay down on the couch for a while with a book and a glass of water to try and relax a bit.

My nausea still comes and goes, but it's not bad enough to make me run for the bathroom. More of a yuck, that if I eat something and take some deep breaths, it passes. I do seem to have some heartburn, not sure if that's from what I eat or not...I haven't been eating anything different.

Tired, I can't tell...this time of year I always am a bit dreary and tired. It's just so gloomy out that sleeping sounds like a good thing. I'm going to sleep maybe 15 minutes earlier, I'm not napping, but I do get sleepy in the afternoons.

My only prayer request for tomorrow is that whatever news we get is definitive. That yes this is a viable pregnancy or no it isn't. I don't want to be floundering in the unknown or the "let's see".

Supposedly in the 6th week I'll start to feel nauseous and fatigued more frequently. Only time will tell.

Finished! I got the baby quilt in the mail today and managed to get the binding on this evening. The shower isn't until March 21st (which I seem to be co-hosting). I've been working on invitations for the shower and I think they've come out all right. Have to get them to the grandma by Friday so that she can mail them out to the guests.

I have a confession: I bought an infant snowsuit, 6 months. I got it on ebay for $10, it's brand new. I'm trying to justify it as I can get one cheaper now than I can next winter, should we need one. It's rather adorable: Baby blue with Peter Rabbit on the bib.

I'm doing all right. My Boobs are a bit more sensitive, but having had a breast reduction I think I'm spared the major pain that most people get. I seem to be getting waves of nausea: Most of the time it's all right, but then sometimes (no rhyme or reason as to when) I feel really off. I keep trying to snack, but the food is sometimes hard to get down. Drinking kind of helps. Of course, I wonder how much of this is in my head, and if it's going to get worse in the next few months.

I feel like I'm going crazy: When I feel nauseas I think all is right and we'll get good news next week. The moment it subsides I worry that I'm not pregnant. I know that if I had had higher beta numbers I wouldn't be this fearful. I know that my numbers were not extremely low, but low enough to cause me concern. Monday cannot get here soon enough.

5 weeks 1 day

8 more days until our ultrasound! I'm starting to go crazy: This has to be worse than the 2ww. The end result of that was either you're pregnant or not; this is you're pregnant, but not a definite yet!

I'm feeling all right. I seem to have this slight nausea thing that comes and goes. It isn't all the time, but every once in a while I'll suddenly not feel too good. If I drink something or eat something I feel better. I haven't been able to wear my mouth guard the past few nights, just makes me feel yuck.

My hip and low back are still bothering me, but I think it's more related to my tumbles last Sunday. I don't have any cramps or anything, every so often I get a twinge, but nothing major. Of course, all of this (and the lack there of) makes me go back and forth between being certainly this is a viable pregnancy and not.

It's really hard to be keeping our mouths closed. My parents were gone all of last week, but every time I've seen them since they get home, or am on the phone with them, I want to blurt it out. There is a part of me, the scared teenager, that wonders how they're going to react...or thinks that I've done something wrong "Damn kids getting pregnant!".

My parents we're telling after the ultrasound, not sure when though. Matt's parents leave next Saturday (before the ultrasound) for a 3-week mission trip to Mexico, so they're just going to have to wait to find out.

I'm thinking we're going to go with Hospital B. I spoke with my friend who works there and she says that she and her boyfriend (who's a doctor there) have heard nothing but good about Dr. H (the one with the hysterectomy issues). There are 5 other doctors at that hospital. I'm going to call this week and see if we can get in for a tour, and hopefully meet some of the doctors.

My biggest things with Hospital B is the convenience with a branch 5 minutes from work, and their low c-section rates, as well as the whole nurse-midwife thing (the most important thing to me). While it's not my normal OB-GYN, my justification for that is my "normal" one I've only been to once, for an annual. Yea, it does mean driving an hour, rather than 40 minutes, for any classes we may take, but oh well...we'll deal with it.

2nd Beta

Got a phone message at 8:50 and was told to call the RE. Called them back, the nurse is in with a patient and will call me back...I HATE those kind of messages. Now I'm sitting here with my stomach in knots. I didn't think I would be that affected if things didn't work out: Kind of an "oh well...we'll just move on". Now I'm not thinking that's going to be the case.

~*~Update~*~
179: We go on March 2nd for an ultrasound.

I had to call them back! Sat here for an hour and she never called. My hearts been in my stomach and I've been scared silly. How infuriating and inconsiderate! GRRRR!! Everything is good....according to her. We'll see in 12 days.