The Day on Which All Things End Up Blah!

Growing up I really did not like Mother’s Day, not because I didn’t like my mom {Don’t get me wrong, my mom is the awesomest}, but because we usually ended up in some sort of  trouble. My dad wanted us to behave for my mom’s special day and we always seemed to get in more trouble that day than any other day of the year.

Then there were the years of infertility, which added another crap-tastic element to Mother’s Day; celebrating the one thing that I desperately wanted, but could not have.
In 2010 I celebrated MY first Mother’s Day, which was still sorely tainted {let’s be honest, it still is} by infertility.

Last year Mother’s Day was also my mom’s birthday. In addition to that we had a whole slew of lovely family drama going on.

This year Mother’s Day was the day we were in NH for our nephew’s baptism. We weren’t even home. Matt forgot a card and didn’t even remember it was Mother’s Day until I asked him what the day was. To me, it was one year since the IUI that gave us Henry, James and Ellie, but it jogged Matt’s memory just-enough to remember it was Mother’s Day too.

I won’t deny that it still “pinches” just a bit that I haven’t had a Mother’s Day in which I’ve received a card and/or present on the DAY. Life seems to get in the way and the best of intentions remain that, intentions.

I’m still waiting for it, that perfect “Hallmark” Mother’s Day. I think I may just be waiting forever on that one. I’d love to say that’s OK, but it would be nice, just once. Fortunately, Matt does a pretty fantastic job of letting me know all year that he appreciates me and all that I do.

But, when Ave hugs one of her siblings and says “________ you’re my best friend”, that pretty much makes up for anything :-)


 

My Little Mess

Last night I was lying in bed, having a really hard time falling asleep. I just kept thinking about how we survive the day, every one goes to bed, and then I feel like I’ve spent nothing of quality with any of the kids. I think back about how much time Ave and I spent on the floor in her room, working on getting her to roll; How we would go outside and do things. 

We don’t do things now. We can’t do things now.

I feel like I’m parenting Ave, since she’s the 2 year old who needs constant direction and attention, while just giving Henry, James and Ellie what they need to survive. And at the same time feeling like Ave gets the leftovers of my attention and patience. Vicious cycle!

I do spend time with each of the babies: looking at them, laughing with them, playing with them, but it never feels like what I do is enough. We get to the end of the day and that’s it. I’m so grateful we made it through, then 30 minutes after everyone is in bed, I’m missing them all and wishing I could spend more quality time with them.

It doesn’t seem to matter what I do, but once night comes and the quiet falls on my ears I feel like “I could’ve done more, been more”. In all honesty, I don’t know if I could…there are only so many hours in the day.

I have 4 children, all 4 of which require massive amounts of attention from me, plus a home to run {cleaning, bills, upkeep, etc etc.}

I know this summer is going to be hard. I can already feel it in my bones. I long to be out of doors, to be outside in the sun, working in the dirt, mowing the yard, swimming, running with Ave. All winter it was easy to be in a house with 4 kids, there was nothing else to do.

Now….now there is life to be lived and I know it’s going to be rough.

I just can’t open the back door and let everyone run. I have to orchestra when Ave can go outside, depending on what the babies are doing or needing, whether they’re sleeping or crying. Her play time has to end when someone is fussing and we need to go back inside, even if only for a moment.

Next summer will be different. Henry, James and Elanor will be 1 1/2, Ave will be 3 1/2 and we’ll be able to be outside…they’ll be able to toddle around the yard, go on the slide, play in the dirt alongside me, run around with each other tiring themselves out.

But right now I struggle. I struggle with the fact that we had people here working on the house yesterday and I didn’t want to leave the babies alone in the house, with strangers, while taking Ave in the yard for 15 minutes…so we sat on the couch and watched TV almost ALL.DAY.LONG!

Oh yea…there’s definitely some mommy guilt around here. BUT I know this is just a season {literally}, soon my babies won’t be babies anymore and they’ll be big boys and girl, just like their big sister…and then I’ll be sad.

Four Months Old!

Four months old (2 1/2 months old, adjusted age), already. I don't like that, not one bit. Even my peanut is not really a peanut anymore.

Here's what's going on....

~*~Henry~*~
*Holding his head up
*Manages to sit up right relatively well if he's propped
*You can see the beginnings of his bottom right tooth, just under the gums
*Goes from asleep or happy to hysterics in 2.2 seconds flat
*Has a wonderful bald spot on the back of his head
*Doesn't like tummy time, unless he has his George {pacifier}, then he just goes to sleep
*Is usually laughing and smiling
*Weighing in at 14 lbs 13 ounces

~*~James~*~
*Holding his head up
*Manages to sit up right relatively well if he's propped
*You can see the beginnings of both bottom teeth, just under the gums
*This boy is ALWAYS happy, just changing his diaper sends him into a giggling fit
*Most of the time couldn't care less if he has his George
*By far the easiest and most mild mannered of all 4 kids
*Actually is liking tummy time and playing on the exercise mat
*Weighing in at 14 lbs 7 ounces

~*~Elanor~*~
*Holding her head up
*Manages to sit up right relatively well if she's propped
*You can see the beginnings of her bottom right tooth, just under the gums
*Wants nothing more than to just be held and cuddled (maybe I have a snuggler!)
*She's always got a smile on her face, takes a bit to get her to laugh, but she's got the sweetest little laugh
*Has just started to like being on the exercise mat, but still isn't too keen on it
*Her head and eyes seem to be growing into themselves
 *Weighing in at 11lbs 13ounces

***Just a note - Avelyn was 14lbs 9.2 ounces at her 4 month well-baby visit.

Easter Revisited and Other Things

Last weekend was Easter, which led directly into a crazy week of catching up and doctor's appointments for the babies. Finally, I'm able to sit down and do a little bit of posting. I'm sure you won't mind if this is mostly pictures :-)

Saturday (4/7), we did Easter with Matt's family since his brother and his family were up. As always the girls had a blast running around crazy together. I'm so looking forward to when it's 6 kids running around crazy!

Easter morning we got up and headed to church with everyone. We even managed to get a family picture of all of us, which now the count is up to 16 people, that's just Matt's immediate family with spouses and kids.

After church there was an Easter Egg Hunt, the girls had so much fun running around and trying to find all the eggs. They looked so adorable in their dresses together! My mother-in-law made the girls all matching dresses (different colors) and the boys matching pants/tops, I made my skirt to match Ave's dress. I will be getting a better picture of the ensembles next time we wear them.

After a good nap, we headed up to my parents' to spend time with them, my grandfather, my uncle and his family. Ave and S were having so much fun together. We even got M in on the action of searching for eggs. Of course my mom told us there were 18 eggs and we only found 12, then she realized there was only 12.

On to other things...

In the middle of the week we decided that the pack-n-play was just getting too small for the babies, so we decided to move them to the crib (yes, they're still sharing). It was a bit of a rough start, Ellie wasn't ok with NOT being squished, but they made it through the night. Of course the next morning there was a bit of dishevelment. This morning it was even worse, all three of them had different limbs hanging out of their swaddles...me thinks that it might be time to start removing them.

4 Month Well Baby Visit (2 weeks early :-)

Today my mom and I headed to the babies' pediatrician's office for their well-baby visit: Well, the babies are doing well!

Both boys are doing exceptionally well and Ellie isn't too far behind them. They're all hitting their developmental markers right on schedule or earlier, which is fantastic, given they were preemies.

Henry weighed in at 13lbs 7 oz, measuring 24" long.
James weighed in at 13 lbs 2.5 oz, measuring 25" long.
Ellie weighed in at 10lns 12 oz. measuring 23.5" long.

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Best of March