Thursday, November 17

The truth about Fine and being "icky"

The other day Lisa-Jo at posted about the false "Fine" that we all very often give as a blanket comment when asked how we're doing. Then today she posted about being covered in ick. Truth be known......I think she's been reading my mind.

I know I constantly give people the "I'm doing good" or "I'm fine" comment, because, honestly, most people really don't want to hear other people complain and only ask out of some sort of societal expectation of what is "proper". That, and I'm not a complainer...I hate complaining and being a "baby" about things.

Most days I am good. Things go along and we manage to have good days, days in which I feel good, Avelyn is good, we're productive and get things accomplished. Then I have days, when I'm not good, or even fine. Days when I feel like nothing is going right, that there is this constant "ick" around me, and it's just not a good day.

Days like yesterday. When my stomach and back just hurt, when I didn't feel or want to eat anything, when I got nothing done and any time I tried, I just walked on past it and went back to doing nothing, when Ave, quite seriously, watched "Cail.lou" for 4.5 hours because I had nothing in me to give (maybe the Cai.llou overload was what made me feel icky:-P)

I went to bed in prayer and woke in prayer this morning, that I would feel like me, that it wouldn't be another "icky" day, that Ave and I would have some good play time, that I would get some things accomplished {even if it's only folding laundry and starting the boys' quilts}.

Why the "ick" feeling?

I think Monday and Tuesdays doctor appointments and outings took it's toll on me. I think it was more the going to Albany and sitting in the car and walking around (and we only went to the doctor and then to grab something to eat).

I think it's worrying about these babies. Yes, I'm 28 weeks, but no way am I ready for them to be born. Fortunately, I feel great most days (seriously I have very few bad days), but the days I do I worry. I worry about not making it to the hospital if I'm in labor, I worry about them having issues, I worry about NICU time (we live TWO HOURS away from the NICU), I worry about what it's going to be like when they come home, I worry about how Avelyn is going to handle all of these crying, demanding babies.

I think it's the fact that our businesses are REALLY struggling. We're not even sure how much longer we're going to be able to keep the store open. Our staff is dwindling and there is not enough business coming in. Everyone is already spread really thin and with the babies coming, will be even thinner.

I know that none of these things are in my, or anyone else's, hands, but the days when I feel "icky" both physically and mentally, it's hard. It's hard to just let it go to God. It's hard to just sit back and know that whatever it is, it is, because there's not much I can do about it. Most days I do a really good job of not worrying, of knowing that God is in control.

It's hard to watch my dad, mom and Matt, struggling with how to grow a business, all of them knowing that we rely on the success of these two businesses for our livelihood (fortunately, none of us are financially dependent on the store, it's never made enough money for us to have any income from it).

Fortunately, today is not one of those "icky" days. Today I feel physically good (although, don't ask me to bend over and pick something up lol), I mentally feel good, I feel like myself. I got things accomplished. Ave is taking a good nap (which I knew she needed). My belly-brace came; I feel like I can walk around and be productive.

Yea, I very often just gloss over the difficulties of this pregnancy on here, yes, there are difficulties (you should see me try to roll over in bed), but most of the time they're not bad at all. I just remind myself that as hard as this is sometimes, it will be a lot harder once these kids are here...whether driving to the NICU in Albany or juggling 3 newborns and a 2 year old. God will provide though.

Whether the store ends up closing or whatever happens with the businesses God will provide.

I'm just beyond thankful that the "icky" and "I'm fine" days are few and far between.


Life Happens said...

We've all had those 'icky' days. Sounds like you have a lot going on in your life right now. And you are right, whatever happens, God will provide. We just have to have faith.

I saw this quote that I really liked about worrying: "Worry is like a rocking chair - it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere."

Ain't that the truth??!!

Persuaded said...

I hate that "icky" feeling... Amelia and I call it free floating anxiety. Give me something solid to angst about any day! At least then I feel justified in my angst;-)

That said, my dear Jess, it sounds like you have pretty high level stress going on in several different areas of your life right now. Make sure you eat as well as you can, sleep as much as you can, and pray as much as possible.. just prayed for you dear♥

Where the Heart Is said...

Stopping by from "the bunch." Hope tomorrow is better.

Take care.

sadie607 said...

This is one of those times when I wish I was your neighbor. I would take Ave for the day and let you rest or quilt or pray or whatever you needed to do.

It's so hard not to worry (i'm the queen of worry) especially when in the midst of a high risk pregnancy. But you are doing amazing, your body is doing amazing, and if there are days when Ave needs to watch movies all day that's okay.

Many prayers for you. I've been praying so hard for you and those babies from the moment you found out it was three. You are more equipped to handle triplets and a two year old than anyone I've ever met.

I told Marcus after you found out you were having three that of every person I've ever know I feel like you can do this. (That's not saying it's not going to be difficult or hard or insane) But know that I see how amazing you are. You can do this.

Amanda said...

I think we all go through the ick, but there are definitely a lot of especially icky things in your life right now, and I'm glad that you are managing them so well. And I'm glad that you have your blog to express how you are feeling.

I wish I lived near some of my blogger friends like the PP mentioned. I feel so guilty with all my free time and I know that you and other blog friends are needing the help and I'm just putzing around on the internet with nothing to do.

By the way, I'll just mention this, I have seen that some "country stores" sell on Amazon. I don't know how well this works, but you might look into it. Or, this probably wouldn't really help to sustain the store, but it could generate some income... co-op sales via the internet. You could start a coop group on Yahoo Groups or something and take a fee for the coops and keep some of your supplier connections going. You can't charge much of a markup with coops (that's kinda the point of coops) but if you got good coops going, it might generate enough income to make it worthwhile. Just some thoughts.

Kateri said...

It does sound like there are a lot of valid reasons to be feeling stressed right now. Praying for you and those babies. Glad the good days are for frequent than the the ick days. Take care of yourself as much as you can.