Life in the White House

Last night I didn't sleep. In part because A was up on and off from 11:30-3am, but mostly from recurrent anxiety attacks every time I lay down. What about? My sister.

Here's the latest and greatest: She's still living with the boyfriend in his parents' house. However, the family is moving to Arizona at some point, and the boyfriend (since he got tossed out of college a year ago) is supposed to be going in the AirForce in the next few months.

Last Monday (11/8) she had posted something on facebook about how humbling it was to ask people for a place to stay. Long and short of it.....we found out that boyfriend's father threw him, and subsequently my sister, out of the house. I guess the mother was away and the father had had enough of whatever (someone in that house with some sense perhaps?) and made them leave.

They ended up going to a friend's house (who happens to be our employee) and stayed there a night, then Mommy got home and smoothed everything over and they went back there. That was not fun: It was cold and snowy that night and we seriously didn't know if she'd end up sleeping outside or not (since they've both really alienated any and all of their friends). I messaged her on facebook, that she knows she always has at least 2 places to go (we're still playing the "We're not offering anything until she asks for it card").

My sister called my parents' house (we were up there for dinner) while all of this was going on and acted like nothing was happening. She told my parents that she wished she could get off from school to go to FL with them (they've been away since Saturday) and asked about taking orders for pies in our store....nothing about the fact that she had no place to sleep that night. I know it's weird.

The whole thing is weird...and it just keeps getting weirder. I've emailed her twice in the 2 weeks since A's birthday party and she has yet to respond to an email. The guy they stayed with that night talked to me: He said that the boyfriend is treating her like completely $hit....yelling at her, telling her to do things for him, etc etc. Not good at all.

So now my sister is still living with an a-hole boyfriend who is also verbally abusive. And what do my parents do?.........Nothing. I was ok with the whole "She needs to grow up and take responsibility for herself and her actions" thing for a while. Now my parents are firmly planted in the "we're not doing or offering anything unless she asks, because God is at work and things are going to change for the better".

Now, I've just had enough. My parents are seriously angering me because of their lack of action. They know things are going on, but flat out refuse to address them or bring them up with my sister, until she does. If she doesn't feel like she can talk to anybody or that no one cares (which my parents do reiterate in whatever communication they have that they love her and care about her), then she's N E V E R going to ask for help.

From what I've gathered from other people and online...things are not good in paradise. There are very few affirmations of love on facebook anymore...there's a plethora of posts from the boyfriend which make it seem like she's distancing herself from him (as much as you can when you live with someone and rely on their family to get you to college etc).

I don't know what's going on, but something is going on and I've about had it with the waiting game. But, do I reach out to her and she doesn't reach back, and then my parents are pissed at me for "undoing all the good that has happened" OR do I sit here and do nothing, growing in my anxiety and concerns?

I'm seriously ready to sit her behind down and just let her have it....but what "it" is, I'm not even sure. Do I say "hey, how are things? do you need a place to go? do you want out of the relationship?" or do I say "Would you please remove your head from your sphincter and realize that you need to ditch this loser?"

I honestly don't even remember what the whole issue was anymore...what this whole "lesson" has been about. What is she supposed to be learning? That her family has pretty much let her do whatever she wants, with no accountability to any one, and seemingly don't really care about her anymore?

Yes, she was lying about the trip to Florida, that the boyfriend was going, and Yes, she ended up going anyways even though my parents said they didn't approve. Yes, she says she has been bulimic since she was 13 and abused ibuprofen...the two reasons why she says she was (and is) so sick and having stomach problems. She is a liar. She needs help. She says she can't ever move back home. I don't think she has any plans as for a few weeks down the road.

I just feel at such a loss, both for my sister and for what to do. I don't know what the right thing is, but I know that something needs to change with my sister.