We had a baby shower with Ave, but now my mom and MIL are secretly planning a shower for the triplets. I have been adamant about not wanting a shower: I don't want people to feel like they have to buy us a present, just because we're having triplets. If anything I would rather have a get-together after they were all home, but still no presents.
We've been able to pick up a lot of stuff at yard sales and people cleaning out since they're done having kids, and don't need many things (we certainly can afford to get what remains ourselves). Matt told my mom I did not want a shower, she told him "She doesn't know what she wants".
Am I totally wrong? I'm just really upset about it, because everything I've heard/seen is making me think this is not going to be just a small "sprinkle" with some close friends/family. Since I'm not supposed to know it makes it that much harder. I really don't like surprise showers.
I vented to Matt about it before and he pretty much has told me to mind my own business, since he isn't supposed to know either and is feeling like he's stuck in the middle and can't do anything either way.
I'm not ungrateful, I just feel awful to be a financial drain on others, especially this time of year and since so many of our friends/family are pregnant themselves.
7 comments:
I'm sorry Jess. I get that it makes you uncomfortable, but I think people are just excited about the babies and want to shower you with love.
It makes it more difficult since you're uncomfortable with surprises but maybe this will be a wonderful way for people to show how much they love and care about you and your family.
I'm sorry that you are so uncomfortable with this! But I'm sure people are just so excited for you guys, and while you can afford to buy the stuff you need, I'm sure it would be a blessing to also have people provide a little help. (((HUGS)))
Try to look at it as a celebration of your three little miracles and not about the presents (since that is what it is!!)
I agree with the previous commenters. I'm not sure you mom and MIL are going about it the right way, but it's definitely out of love and people just feel very excited that they get to be witness triplets.
I know they mean well and just want to shower you and the babies with love. One option is to donate the gifts that you may not need to a shelter, or even regift it. That way someone who really is in need of it can enjoy it too.
I am been pretty vocal myself about not ever wanting a shower for many of the same reasons. I know it feels like they are going against your wishes, but in the long run I think they are really just wanting to show you in a way they know how to support you and the babes. I have to believe it's coming from a good place, you know? I totally am the same way about surprises though. I think if I were in your shoes, I would bring it out in the open and try to talk with them about it. I'm a bit into confrontation, though.
Hang in there! *hug*
I'm sorry they are doing something that is frustrating you so much.
Maybe you could suggest a diaper shower?
I like Hannah's idea of donating the items to a shelter or an organization that needs it.
Try and think of it as a way for others to be excited and celebrate your beautiful babies.
xo
I told everyone that I didn't want a shower and my mom and sister threw me a surprise shower. Although it was a really nice thought, I had spent the day traveling and was wearing the most comfortable clothes for the flights. In the pictures I looked like a scrub with frazzled hair and everyone else was in these cute little dresses and all made up. I had a great time but I hate looking at the photos. I would suggest that you tell your mom and MIL that you know about the party and that if they're adamant about having it then help them plan it so that it doesn't get OOC. I would leave Matt out of it. Remember this is an exciting time for them too and this is how they want to celebrate it. Maybe instead of gifts guests can donate to a women's/children's shelter or do the thing where everyone creates a page of a scrapbook.
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