Thursday, October 6

Not gonna lie....

The further in this pregnancy I get, the more scared I get, the more worried I get, the more anxious I get. The closer we get to viability (1.5 weeks more) the more freaked out I am that I'm going to lose these three precious babies. Every twinge, every pull, every tweak (particularly those I feel in my cervix), every bit of [TMI] wetness in my undies....makes me worried: What if my cervix is opening? What if they're losing fluid? What if they're not growing enough?

I know that a doctor's appt could be perfect and 3 hours later babies can be born unexpectedly and to a not good end. I have been spending so much time in prayer and talking to God about this. I know my worry doesn't help anything, but, of course, I worry that maybe I should be worrying more because the doctors don't seem to be too concerned (messed up, I know).

As Matt put it, "we're so close and yet, so far"...exactly.

When my first beta numbers were coming back I had said to Matt, "I know my body can handle twins....I don't know about triplets....that kind of scares me". I half wonder if it being triplets was God's way of drawing me back to Him, giving me that which scared me, as opposed to that which I felt complacent about. Teaching me to not trust in myself, but in Him.

4 comments:

Carrie said...

I've been thinking about you and the babies lately. I was wondering how you were staying so seemingly calm because I would be freaking out.

I have no words of wisdom, though. Just (((hugs)))

:)

Joan said...

May God bless you, your babies and your family. Love Joan.

lauren said...

Anyone would feel scared and anxious in your situation. Your doing a great job, just keep moving forward. Believe your body can do this.

Thinking of you and sending you lots of prayers xxxx

Amanda said...

You can do it. Just keep swimming.

LinkWithin