The further in this pregnancy I get, the more scared I get, the more worried I get, the more anxious I get. The closer we get to viability (1.5 weeks more) the more freaked out I am that I'm going to lose these three precious babies. Every twinge, every pull, every tweak (particularly those I feel in my cervix), every bit of [TMI] wetness in my undies....makes me worried: What if my cervix is opening? What if they're losing fluid? What if they're not growing enough?
I know that a doctor's appt could be perfect and 3 hours later babies can be born unexpectedly and to a not good end. I have been spending so much time in prayer and talking to God about this. I know my worry doesn't help anything, but, of course, I worry that maybe I should be worrying more because the doctors don't seem to be too concerned (messed up, I know).
As Matt put it, "we're so close and yet, so far"...exactly.
When my first beta numbers were coming back I had said to Matt, "I know my body can handle twins....I don't know about triplets....that kind of scares me". I half wonder if it being triplets was God's way of drawing me back to Him, giving me that which scared me, as opposed to that which I felt complacent about. Teaching me to not trust in myself, but in Him.
4 comments:
I've been thinking about you and the babies lately. I was wondering how you were staying so seemingly calm because I would be freaking out.
I have no words of wisdom, though. Just (((hugs)))
:)
May God bless you, your babies and your family. Love Joan.
Anyone would feel scared and anxious in your situation. Your doing a great job, just keep moving forward. Believe your body can do this.
Thinking of you and sending you lots of prayers xxxx
You can do it. Just keep swimming.
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