Discouragement: Satan's most powerful tool

While driving to the NICU yesterday I was really struggling, knowing that very soon there will be at least one baby home: "How on earth am I going to handle having 4 kids {2 and under} by myself, every day, all day? There is no way I can do this!"

We've been having a really rough time with Ave...she is most certainly TWO! The big struggle, I think, comes from the fact that she misses me, on top of that when she's at my ILs they pretty much let her control and dictate everything, I think, because it's easier for them that way (they're not too old or anything, they just want to continue doing what they want to do, rather than be bothered with disciplining the 2 year old when she throws a fit).

Tuesday was tough. Matt was home most of the day and we both were constantly on Ave. She kept getting into things she knows she's not allowed to do, or not listening, throwing fits, and just generally having major meltdowns about little things. Every thing from the past few months of my only being able to do so much, just seems to be coming to a major head with her, and I'm desperately frightened that it's only going to get worse.

Now with the prospect of James, then Henry, and Ellie, coming home just scares the bejeezers out of me. I feel like a failure before I've even started. I feel like I'm the worst mom in the world because I can't even handle one 2 year old, let alone 3 newborns that each need to be fed every 3 hours. I just keep feeling more and more overwhelmed...especially figuring out where I'm supposed to be with newborns at home and in the NICU.

Then this morning on the radio a song came on, by Matthew West, called "Strong Enough":

You must, You must think I’m strong
To give me what I’m going through
Well forgive me, forgive me if I’m wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I’m not strong enough to be
Everything that I’m supposed to be
I give up, I’m not strong enough
Hands of mercy won’t You cover me?
Lord, right now I’m asking You to be
Strong enough, strong enough
For the both of us

Well maybe, maybe that’s the point
To reach the point of giving up
‘Cause when I’m finally, finally at rock bottom
That’s when I start looking up
And reaching out

The Lord always seems to know just what I need to hear, and when...funny how that works. After that song came another one titled "Do Everything" by Stephen Curtis Chapman:

Your picking up toys on the living room floor for the 15th time today
Matching up socks
Sweeping up lost cheerios that got away

You put a baby on your hip
Color on your lips and head out the door

While I may not know you,
I bet I know you
Wonder sometimes, does it matter at all?

Well let me remind you, it all matters just as long
As you do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you,
Cause he made you,
To do
Every little thing that you do
To bring a smile to His face
Tell the story of grace
With every move that you make
And every little thing you do

That God is a pretty smart One isn't he?

Satan has been pounding me these past few days, and Matt, we're both just feeling completely and utterly discouraged, both with our ability to handle what lies ahead, as well as our ability to not question our parenting skills.

I know that a lot of you have expressed that if anyone can handle having four kids 2 and under it's me....I certainly hope you're right :-P and I definitely appreciate your faith in me, because I know my faith in me is at an all time low.

So, while I begin to figure out life with a slew of little ones, all with their own demands and needs, while trying to maintain some semblance of sanity and order, I'm trying to not let Satan get to me with his lies and discouragement, and just trust in the Lord to provide for all of us and give us what we need to not only survive, but hopefully thrive in the time ahead.