Nothing at all exciting: My tears are healed and all looks good. I've been cleared to resume "normal activities", which have been resumed for quite sometime now. I don't think I ever stopped doing "normal" for me, even se.x was resumed at 4 weeks pp.
That was something I was stressing about, but hadn't given much thought to...then it just happened. I think that was the key...that I didn't sit there obsessing and completely concerned about whether it would hurt or not or what to do or not do.
I think I'm pretty much done with the pumping. I'm only getting a 1/2oz a session, so an 1-1.5 oz a day. I'm trying not to think about it too much, because when I do I start to feel really bad and guilty about it...so better not to.
Part of me is pissed at myself for not trying harder, another part feels bad because I can't/don't dedicate the time I should to pumping, and another part that tells me to cut myself some slack...that if A was adopted she'd be getting only formula and that there are other moms out there who never breastfed. And there's NOTHING WRONG with formula (other than the cost).
Of course there was an inevitable part of the conversation that I was hoping to avoid (since I've mentioned enough times it isn't an issue): Post partum birth control. Not necessary. The one nurse asked me if I'd had a tubal...umm no, read my file.
Not that we haven't started thinking about #2, we have, but given our issues I don't think we have to worry. And, if by the grace of God I were to get knocked up right now I would certainly not complain.
That's right, we've already started "negotiations" about #2. If things are going well come the end of the summer (with the store and everything else) then we'll be TTC #2 in August/September. We've always wanted the kids closer in age (ex. when A is 6, the 2nd is 4-5, the 3rd is 1-2 and the 4th on the way...or however the chips fall with adopting).
However, I'm having issues with even considering #2 and only because of IF. I feel like how dare I even consider #2 when there are so many of my friends who are still struggling for #1. I hate infertility.
6 comments:
So glad you had a good check up! And with D.S. you have to plan ahead for siblings! Love that your dh is up for that.
you have no control over what your body will do in terms of the milk. Pumping is HARD to make happen! PLEASE don't beat yourself up about it !!!!! =)
I'm glad the checkup went well! You're cracking me up with the "normal activities". Haha!
Please don't beat yourself up about breastmilk. Here's a great post about the whole topic: http://pottymouthmommy.wordpress.com/2009/12/08/its-the-ninth-of-december-somewhere/ I myself fell into the 1 in 20 that just couldn't do it (not enough milk to feed a mouse...literally).
Yeah, that whole why-should-I-think-about-another-when-they-haven't-even-had-one guilt...it sucks. I think it's wonderful that you two are already planning for number 2!!
Glad the postpartum checkup went well! I am also hoping to avoid birth control post partum. If I get pregnant, I will take it!
I could never pump more than 2 oz no matter how hard I tried so don't feel bad for that. Some boobs just don't pump well. We have a woman in our mommy and me class who pumps 8+ oz every time and I just want to smack her. No matter what happens though, someone will say something offensive about you quitting and I think you just have to take that with a grain of salt and forget about it. When I told another mom that I had quit breastfeeding she burst out saying that she couldn't believe it and that I should have kept pumping at least to give my child the nutrients. Clearly she was not paying attention to my prior comment about not being able to pump more than 2 oz EVER! People are dumb sometimes. You're doing a great job regardless of what anyone else thinks!!
Yay for being cleared and a positive check up!
IF, it really is the gift that keeps on giving. Survivor guilt is something that you can't avoid, unfortunately.
((HUGS))
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