Thoughts Before Birth

We’re quickly winding down this pregnancy…tomorrow is 38 weeks! Eeek! I went from stressing about the pregnancy to now stressing about labor and delivery, or more specifically Matthew. He’s on the road 3-4 days a week, sometimes as much as 2-3 hours from home, so I now worry about his making it home in time.

We have done this twice before, and God was good BOTH times, and I went into labor in the evening or middle of the night. For some reason though, I can’t seem to get it through my thick skull that God’s got this…just like He did then. This past Tuesday night I spent most of the night talking myself up and down, worrying {the heat didn’t help}. Why is it so hard at night to remember the Truths we know during the daylight hours?!

I feel so much more vulnerable when I’m alone with my thoughts in the dark. Some people just get up, some people read, I just lay there…waiting for sleep to come {it usually doesn’t} and think. I’d love to say I end up in constant prayer, but my brain barely acknowledges that Gods awake too, then.

Other than Matt’s possible location when I go into labor, there are of course all of the normal anxieties and concerns about labor in general. Yea, I’ve done this before, but that doesn’t mean I know what to expect. Ave was my last “normal” pregnancy and that was 5.5 years ago! I’m sure it’s kind of like riding a bike, but until we’re there…I won’t know that. Am I looking forward to it? Yes, because I want to do this again, Ave’s birth was awesome and so empowering, but I still have all the questions of whether or not I’ll know if I’m in labor or not.

If you follow me on Instagram, you’ll see that I’ve mentioned briefly that we’re having a home birth this time. While I don’t have to worry about getting to a hospital, one of the reasons we’re doing homebirth is because I have a tendency to go quick, this will be an entirely different experience for me and Matt.

Of course there are all the “After” questions: What will it be like as a family with 5 kids? How will life with a newborn be? How will the other 4 handle the newest additional? Will I ever even get the meager sleep that I get now? If we need formula, what will we use?

How I will I manage with 5 kids when I know this is the busiest time of year and Matt’s not around a lot? What things do we still need to get, and do we really need them?

Lots of question are constantly on my mind, and of course there isn’t a readily available answer for any of them.