The Hard Truth of Home Renovations

Folks, I have to tell you something, the hard truth of home renovations: I’m scared. This staying up way too late, simply because you know that going to sleep and waking up, is being one day closer to a new reality. Yea, it’s a bit terrifying.

I told Matt earlier, “I haven’t felt this way since the day before I left for Ireland for a weeks long {4 weeks actually} study abroad session: Scared, anxious, worried, and out of my mind, and completely excited”.

This isn’t just a home renovation. This is years of my yearning to unleash my inner architect and designer. Years of kicking off the same base molding, and not so gently nudging it back in place. Years of seeing what our house is and know what it could be. Years of putting aside my greatest form of creativity….HOME.

And I’m just a bit terrified.

I’m RIPPING OFF HALF OF MY FREAKIN’ HOUSE! {Don’t get me started on what can go wrong…like the entire house imploding when we start to dig the new foundation!}

And supposedly when it all gets patched back together, it’s going to be a home…again.

THE home, that I have had in my mind for the past 20 years of wanting to be an architect, of loving buildings for their bones and their stories. Of recreating myself through nails and sheetrock, 2x4s and power tools. I am the girl, who before HGTV was popular I did renovations; who went to her local lumberyard and was told “You’re like one of those girls on HGTV! You do everything!” and was completely elated at such a compliment and a man’s world that accepted me and helped me on the journey.

To me, this home renovation is very personal.

Every single decision that I have hashed out for this space is being brought to life. After hours and years of before pinterest pin-boards, of graph paper sketches, of lists of dreams and wishes, of tearing out magazine pictures, of storing away all the little details that spoke to me.

This isn’t just a renovation, it’s my being able to get my hands dirty, my shins bruised, and bring the home that has existed only in my mind to life. This isn’t just replacing a foundation and having a kitchen to eat in: This is creating the literal foundation of our family, the kitchen.

I’m sure there are going to be tears. I’m sure there are going to be hurt feelings {mostly mine}. I’m sure there are going to be disappointments. Because those things are no less a part of life.

I am {almost} 32. This home, God willing, is our forever. This home, has seen some of the darkest fears and greatest joys in my life. It holds the people I love most. It’s the home I will create for the next 20 years of kids still living at home, and then {hopefully} visiting grandchildren. And this home, has really nothing to do with what HOME truly is, but it is a labor of love. And I don’t want to miss that.

I don’t know if I will ever get the chance to do this kind of renovation in my life again…so I’m going to enjoy it. I’m going to soak up the sweat and blood and curse words and tears that I know are coming. I’m going to stand my ground and know when to concede. I’m going to build the literal home, and the figurative home, that I want to bless my family with.

That’s part of the thrill of home renovations and designs, that somehow all of these little things work together and becoming something good. And I know God is in the details, working it all out….somehow.