I'm not much too happy with my father in law right now.
As you know, Matt is now working for his dad selling insurance (life insurance). He's working his butt off trying to make contacts with people and sell some policies (if he doesn't sell, he doesn't bring home a paycheck). However, it's not an easy thing to sell something that is only going to cost someone money and they get nothing tangible in return. It also isn't easy to try and sell them something when you're 25 and they don't take you seriously.
Anyways, yesterday Matt's dad kept going on and on about how he needs to setup more appointments (he is) and needs to start selling (he's trying). Then he started going on about money: Money, to my father in law, is GOD! It is the most important thing and he doesn't understand how it can not be a priority for everyone.
As you know, Matt is now working for his dad selling insurance (life insurance). He's working his butt off trying to make contacts with people and sell some policies (if he doesn't sell, he doesn't bring home a paycheck). However, it's not an easy thing to sell something that is only going to cost someone money and they get nothing tangible in return. It also isn't easy to try and sell them something when you're 25 and they don't take you seriously.
Anyways, yesterday Matt's dad kept going on and on about how he needs to setup more appointments (he is) and needs to start selling (he's trying). Then he started going on about money: Money, to my father in law, is GOD! It is the most important thing and he doesn't understand how it can not be a priority for everyone.
FIL was in a mood yesterday: As Matt was walking out the door told him to go to the post office (Matt did), comes back and FIL starts yelling at him for not bringing him a coffee. The he starts belittling and demeaning Matt, saying: "do you really want to be doing this and not making any money", "if you're not going to take is seriously, don't bother", and "I'm sure Jess isn't too happy with you only making $50 a day".
Yea, that last one....TICKED ME OFF! How dare he try to use me as a way of "motivating" Matt! All evening Matt was really stewing about the whole thing and didn't come out with the "Jess" thing until we were in bed. I could tell it really bothered him. I told him that in no way should his father be speaking for me, and that is not at all how I feel. Supposedly this isn't the first time his dad has made a comment about me.
I told Matt that I'd rather him make nothing and be able to look himself in the mirror and respect himself, than make $500 a day and sell his soul to the devil (money). Matt respecting himself is far more important to me than money.
Yea, that last one....TICKED ME OFF! How dare he try to use me as a way of "motivating" Matt! All evening Matt was really stewing about the whole thing and didn't come out with the "Jess" thing until we were in bed. I could tell it really bothered him. I told him that in no way should his father be speaking for me, and that is not at all how I feel. Supposedly this isn't the first time his dad has made a comment about me.
I told Matt that I'd rather him make nothing and be able to look himself in the mirror and respect himself, than make $500 a day and sell his soul to the devil (money). Matt respecting himself is far more important to me than money.
I'm really rather annoyed with my FIL that he would assume my opinions and try to use them to hurt his son. I never speak out to my ILs, I try to always be respectful, but if it happens again I will most certainly have to say something to him along the lines of how dare he assume my feelings/opinions on Matt's financial contributions and try to use that to belittle him. GRR!
Matt's once again deliberating if he should/wants to ship out. He was telling me that his thoughts were that if he did he would make more money than both of us combined (when he was working before) and I could stay home. Then he realized if he shipped out, why would I stay home. There would be no one to cook for or clean after. Quite frankly I wouldn't quit my job because I'd be sitting at home missing and worrying about him; doing it in the evenings would be bad enough.
I just can't believe that my FIL would try to use me as a means of "motivation"; however, I can believe it. Matt's father has always been a manipulative and hurtful person. His way of encouraging someone is to make them feel like crap and about 2" tall. He always says the first thing that pops in his head and it's usually mean or inconsiderate.
I haven't talked to Matt today, but hopefully he's doing better than he was last night. I'm thinking that a conversation with my father in law is inevitable.
Matt's once again deliberating if he should/wants to ship out. He was telling me that his thoughts were that if he did he would make more money than both of us combined (when he was working before) and I could stay home. Then he realized if he shipped out, why would I stay home. There would be no one to cook for or clean after. Quite frankly I wouldn't quit my job because I'd be sitting at home missing and worrying about him; doing it in the evenings would be bad enough.
I just can't believe that my FIL would try to use me as a means of "motivation"; however, I can believe it. Matt's father has always been a manipulative and hurtful person. His way of encouraging someone is to make them feel like crap and about 2" tall. He always says the first thing that pops in his head and it's usually mean or inconsiderate.
I haven't talked to Matt today, but hopefully he's doing better than he was last night. I'm thinking that a conversation with my father in law is inevitable.
8 comments:
Your FIL really oversteped the bounds there and you guys should talk with him. I hope Matt has a better day today and his dad stops treating him like crap.
You can choose your friends, but not your family. And sometimes it's best not to work for them. The right answer will come in time. I don't think I could EVER sell life insurance.
Thanks for the lovely comment you left at my site. It means a lot.
My Dad is the same way. My Father worked in a abnk for 20 something years then lost his job to downsizing. But in all those years money was everything. Now my Father tries to meddle in our situations and tell us how to run our household. And of course my job was never good enough as I was suppose to go to college for finance not a fashion degree. hehe funny thing is I wouln't have used either degree with what I'm doing now.
Mary
Good quote, that just about says it all. :)
If you feel strongly about it, speak to your FIL, but do your best to stay as respectful as possible - b/c you don't ever want anything to come back to you, know what I mean?
I'm sorry you guys are dealing with this. Hope things get better soon.
In-laws are so difficult sometimes. I cannot STAND my MIL for the same reasons - she is downright mean to Mark and that's something I just can't deal with. A confrontation is inevitable, but lately I find myself looking forward to it. I have a lot of pent up Superbitch and I'm looking forward to being able to unleash it on someone.
As far as Matt shipping out... I hope he stays home, friend. How long would it be again? I can't remember.
Wow I'm so sorry :-( Maybe they shouldn't be working so closely together when they have such different views on money.
I commend you for lifting your DH up and assuring him you don't agree with your FIL. No doubt if his dad is tearing him down he needs you to lift him up!
FWIW I totally think everyone needs life insurance!! :-)
I mean we all die right? lol..
Selling anything (esp in today's economy) is a draining, difficult task, even if you completely believe in your product.
Money is most certainly not everything, and once you get enough to live decently, it becomes a hindrance, not an aid to happiness. I think you should tell you FIL he has no right to project his abusive tendencies onto you or to pretend he has a clue what you think of Matt. Your love for him is so apparent, and his dad seems not to get that at all.
I hope both of you get some good news and have some happy days soon.
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